watching a run’s house marathon yesterday, while writing down my goals and thinking about what i want to do in 2009, vanessa and angela simmons every so often would appear to give me a heads up on their new series: daddy’s girlson mtv. i had no idea that this show was about to air! i am so on board with any “run’s house” goings on. rev run is such an amazing man and father; and he’s raised his kids to be inspired, fun and successful people. i look up to him, and therefore, am all about any simmons family activity.
the show follows vanessa and angela simmons in los angeles as they take their sweet tooth-inspired athletics line, pastry,to new and tastier heights. adding a clothing and handbag line to their already trendy footwear offering, the two sisters get their young mogul on, and give young women across the country an example of what it means to take an idea and build a business.
in the last season of run’s house, the girls lived a bi-coastal lifestyle between new york and los angeles; but now they are full-time los angeleans- taking on the responsibilities that come with being on your own and figuring life out for yourself. in this new series, we are invited to watch as vanessa, angela, their cousin jessica, and friend alycia begin their careers, struggle with the obstacles of life and business, date, and enjoy their youth. and at the end of the day, no matter what they may experience- good or bad- one phone call connects them back to that place of love, peace, and serenity where they’ll always be daddy’s girls.
i’m incredibly excited about this show for a number of reasons, but mainly to gain inspiration from watching these girls build their company and grow as people. i feel like the release of this show is perfect timing for anyone looking to take their lives to the next level. it’s the beginning of the year, and people all over the world are looking for inspiration to get it together. i beleive watching daddy’s girls will not only entertain me on a comedic, reality television level; but will also re-connect me to what is possible with an idea, a dream, and some hard work.
daddy’s girls premiers january 5th at 10:30pm on mtv. check it out!
that is what 2009 is all about for me- finding and following my bliss. it’s time for me to take a stand in my life, believe in the power of “me”, and take action in my hustle. 2008 was a year of a rough for me. although i finally came to a place where i, for the most part, knew who i was as a person; i struggled to be that person in the face of everything, and to go out and claim what is mine from the universe. in this new year of change, inspiration and self-empowerment, i must put my best foot forward, take action, and rise to the challenge of creating a fulfilling and successful life of my own.
speaking frankly, at this very moment, i have no idea what i want to do with my life. and that scares the crap out of me. sure, i have all these ideas and aspirations of being a (gay) media personality swirling around in my head; but there’s a big part of me that wants to do that out of a need to fill a void in my life as opposed to attaining some level of self-actualization. i’m going to be 30 years old this year, and i’m frustrated with not at all knowing what i want to do; what i want to be; what i can do; and what excites me. i’m ready to take my life back and find purpose again, but don’t really know where to start.
i shared all of this with dr. eye candy [read: my therapist] earlier this week, and his biggest piece of advice was to stop waiting for an epiphany. find something- anything- to do and go do it. when i got fired last year, a subconscious reaction that i had was to cut myself off from the rest of the world. i spent most of my time, since april, alone in my apartment waiting for an idea, a job, or a life to come and find me as opposed to going out and finding it for myself. obviously, that didn’t work. at all. he impressed upon me the importance of discovering what i like and finding my passions again by getting back out into the world and trying new things. in addition, once i find something, it is also important to not put all my eggs in one basket (as i often tend to do), and keep the momentum going by continuing to open my mind to new experiences, places, and people.
i thought a lot about what excites me and makes me happy right now, and the two things that stick out are helping and entertaining people. those are two examples of things i not only like doing; but find myself doing without really thinking about it. for example, i love doing anything i can to make better the lives of the people around me. i’m always putting in my two cents- either figuratively or literally- in an effort to help my friends be the best they can be. additionally, i’m always trying to find ways to entertain people. whether it’s just throwing a movie night or party in my apartment, or making people laugh (or even smile). i just love to put smiles on people’s faces. the happiest i’ve ever been was during my performing days with the cal band in college. nothing else in my life mattered as long as i could march, play, and dance in a saturday afternoon football game. my passions are still there… i just have to bring them back to life again.
before i left his office, dr. eye candy challenged me to, in the coming week, visit three lgbt community establishments and look into setting up a forum at which i can speak and share my experiences, or volunteer in one of their programs. the former scares me to death, as off the cuff i can’t think of anything to talk about; but the whole point of all of this is to push me to find what excites me. i need to seek out that which makes me happy and fulfilled, and milk it for all it’s worth. lord knows i love talking to people, and my mission is to help and inspire young gay men to be themselves and live their lives proudly; so i guess speaking my experiences in that area fits.
i’m sure there are many of you out there who find yourself in the same place as me these days- jobless, bored, and looking for a spark to ignite the passion within. if you can relate, i encourage you to join me in finding and following your bliss. let’s get out and do something HUGE for ourselves and our communities! who knows what you could gain from stepping out on faith and taking a chance to try something new.
while i was away for the holiday, my friend, smokestack, stayed in bungalow 425 [read: my apartment] to watch my cat. he also took on the challenge of rearranging my apartment- giving me a new home outlook for 2009. i had very little idea as to what he was going to do, but was very excited for the change.
after a week of cleaning and shifting things around, i now have a more spacious and comfortable living space:
smokestack did an amazing job! moving one of the couches to the bedroom and changing my home office set-up gave way to an obscene amount of open space in the living room (although you may not see it in the pics). so much so, that he was also able to make a little dining area- something i definitely didn’t have room for before. (you can see the “before” pictures here)
in the bedroom, the addition of a couch offers a nice lounging space in which i can write or hang out. it’s perfect for when i want to get away from the living room without having to go to bed.
in addition to that, he also dramatically reduced the clutter around the entire apartment by collecting all the thing i had laying around that i wasn’t really using before. after i went through all the junk-getting rid of things i no longer wanted or needed- i was astounded by how much more comfortable my apartment was. there is definitely something to be said for keeping things simple.
i liked my apartment arrangement before, but i absolutely love it now! i have room to dance again LOL. and i can also invite people over without them having to crawl over shit to get around. thanx a bunch, smokestack. you really did me a solid!
i made it back to the nyc safe and sound after a surprisingly quick red-eye flight last night. although i’m very excited to be back in my very own apartment (which looks amazing after the re-arrangement), i must admit that despite not being in the christmas mood in any way, shape, or form when i arrived, i had a pretty nice time in lala land visiting family, and actually had a very merry christmas.
most of the week at home was spent painting several rooms of my mom’s house. in the beginning, i really wasn’t looking forward to it, but as i got into a grove of paint-on, paint-off, i found myself having much more fun than i anticipated.
on christmas eve, my girl myra hit me up and invited me to a hommie holiday party somewhere close to beverly hills. after three days of painting, i was definitely down for some drinking and good ole tomfoolery. i was told that there would be a gift exchange, so i practically ran to the mall to find something cute and creative. i headed straight to walmart- a perfect choice in these fund-receeding times- and walked around amongst the crowd looking for something that struck my fancy. i’m not very good at randomly buying gifts for people- especially people i don’t know; so i was a bit nervous that i would choose something dorky that would garner “what the fuck?” side-eyes from the other party goers. on my second revolution around the store, however, i struck gold! i found a really nice stone zen relaxation fountain perfect for any coffee or bedside table. and it was only $20.00. score!
(not actual fountain, but you get the idea)
as is always the case when i hang with myra, the party was a blast! most of the attendees were people i went to high school with; giving me the chance to get reacquainted with some old friends. there was food, lots of laughter, and, courtesy of myra’s boyfriend, a very tasty spiked eggnog. as for the gift exchange, we chose to play the old “unwrap or jack” game. each person who brought a gift picked a card, and one by one in order (1-9) we made the choice to either unwrap a gift, or jack someone for the gift they chose- leaving the jacked person to open a new gift. i prayed that i would get a good number (anything but #1, really), and was elated to have picked #7. the first gift unwrapped were a pair of men’s massaging memory foam slippers. every guy in the room (including myself) oohed and ahhed at them. they were undoubtedly the gift to jack, and i wanted them…bad!
more and more gifts were unwrapped including a large bottle of patron, a small bar set, and, of course, the fountain i bought. over time, my the slippers were jacked at least three times before my card was up. my turn finally arrived, and without hesitation i jacked them from someone who had only just gotten them a few seconds earlier; leaving him to open a hannah montana playset. sorry buddy, but there’s nothing but sun in california. you didn’t really need them, lol. that left two more people. #8 jacked the bottle of patron. good. #9 scared the shit out of me though. he had been eyeing the slippers the whole time, and everyone agreed that the two best gifts of the night were the slippers and the fountain (yay, i picked something awesome). as he eyed both gifts, i clutched my box tight in my arms, and almost jumped for joy when he finally settled on jacking the fountain instead of the slippers. words can’t even express how excited i am to wear them all winter long:
christmas day at home with the fam was just as fun! my dad came over and cooked a brilliant breakfast of salmon cakes, eggs, sausages, grits and croissants. we all stuffed ourselves silly. so much so, we didn’t get around to the tree until late afternoon. opening gifts is always fun with my family. my dad and i are usually pretty quiet in our receiving; my mom and sister quite talkative- either yelling in excitement, or in my sister’s case, asking “you kept the receipt, right?” (my mom is infamous for buying out of style clothes for us). in the end, we all wracked up some pretty good stuff:
my dad got a new razor and sweater
my mom, a very nice box-set of cards, an iPod, and hand and foot warmers (she’s always cold!)
my sister, a much needed (and rather large) set of cookware, and crock pot
and me, my favorite cologne (black walnut), and wii music game (so stoked!)
yes, indeedee! it was a very merry christmas!
in addition to all that exciting merriment, there was the very inspiring aforeposted candelight church service and griffith park light festival. the latter sounds incredibly amazing- and it should have been- but it suffered from a tremendous lack of variety and creativity. just about every light scene was prefaced with a huge fixture or lighted banner reminding us that we were viewing a light “spectacular” sponsored by the department of water and power. it was less than wickedly cool and only warrants the following as a memory:
all in all, i had a very merry christmas holiday. i appreciate the time i got to spend with my family, the gifts i was able to receive in this oh so difficult time, and the inspiration i got from attending church. because of it all, i am able to end 2008 on a good note- with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. i hope your holiday season was just as enjoyable!
long time readers of evolution of a man will know that i am quite the fan of pornography. at 16, in an effort to learn about and awaken my sexuality, i took it upon myself to explore west hollywood- the gay los angeles. after school, i visited several adult bookstores and theaters in the area, and at one establishment in particular- the tomkat theater- i saw my first skinflick and gave my first blowjob. as i grew older, going off to college and eventually moving to new york, i always thought fondly of the theater, and visited it whenever i was in los angeles.
yesterday, feeling particularly horny and nostalgic, i decided to pay a visit to the sexual palace of my youth. it was there as it always had been, but under new management had been changed from the tomkat theater to the pussycat studs theater. on top of that, instead of 1 large movie screen, the theater had been renovated to include 4 rooms- each playing a different movie. noice!
after paying an increased entry fee of $18 (damn this recession) i took up a place on the wall, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness, and watched a bit of the chi chi larue- directed movie that was playing. throughout the theater there were guys walking in and out of all of the rooms cruising each other something serious! most of them were old enough to be my dad, or even grandfather. i very much so felt like the youngest person there, although i’m sure i wasn’t. either way, after about 10 minutes of watching guys cruise each other and play with themselves, i realized that i didn’t belong there. it became increasingly apparent to me that although i love to watch porn and get off, i don’t need to do it in a theater full of old men. i’m in a different place now, and quite frankly, am above having to resort to such tactics. i felt dirty. not ashamed… just dirty. once i came to that realization, i quickly got myself off (i wasn’t about to let this visit go to waste) and left. i’m fairly certain that i won’t be returning.
it’s so interesting how quickly and vastly we change as we get older. i have some very nice memories of tomkat (ones that i’ll remember forever), but pussycat studs just ain’t for me. it’s time to move up, move on, and experience sexual escapades that don’t leave me feeling like a dirty old man. so long tomkat… i appreciate all the good times, but i’d be lying if i said you’ll be missed!
the christmas holiday is fast approaching; and tomorrow, i will be heading home to los angeles. i was feeling so good today after getting a haircut and shave, that i just had to make a video. 2008 was definitely a test for me, and i plan on pushing ahead and working my ass off on the road to success in 2009! i’m scared, but i’m very ready for the challenge.
[sidebar: someone once put video make up on me for an interview. i tried it myself and apparently went too far. lesson learned.]
as i mentioned in the clip, the most immediate switch-up will take place next week in my apartment. i can’t wait to see how my friend rearranges everything! peep the current set-up below:
i’m actually very excited to see what he comes up with. i could really use some upgrading in my living situation.
it seems that the universe is trying to tell me something. after spending months feeling incompetent and sorry for myself, every day this week i’ve gotten call after call from friends telling me to wake up and snap the fuck out of it!
all out of brotherly love, i’ve had my life handed to me in so many ways, and from just about everybody, but my friend, the oneironaut, said something to me this morning that really hit home. he was simply checking in on me, and ended up getting a full dose of me boo-hooing about my life. he listened, sighed, and then gave me some medicine. there were many things that he said to me- all in truth as a brother would tell them- but there was something in particular, that struck the hardest:
“… you’re lazy…anything that requires more action that you’re prepared to give…you give up on.”
that statement took me right to the unnecessary excuses and procrastination that have kept stagnant the last 4 or 5 months of my life. i’ve gotten very little work done because i’ve been sitting here scared to try anything; and when i do, i crumble at the first obstacle or test of will (no pun intended). all i could think was, “when did i become so lazy?” like, seriously. i was NEVER this lazy before!
in my spirit, i feel a bit of a loss of the joie de vivre that i prided myself by earlier this year. the candle is flickering now, instead of burning bright; and i need to revive that spirit. it’s high time i muster up some drive and determination, and follow my dreams full out!
the oneironaut gave me some really good advice. baby steps. rome wasn’t built in a day; nye media won’t be either. i’m in my crawling stage now- on the brink of a new year- and today, with my sights set to the sky, i reach for the coffee table top, take a big breath, and begin to pull myself up…
hello everyone. i’m will mcnair: a good-lookin’, music-lovin’, book-writin’ meat-eatin’, porn-watchin’, and life-motivatin’, media entrepreneur living out loud in new york city!
i aspire to help, motivate, and inspire members of the glbt community to live their lives proudly, and without fear.
as i stroll along through life, i find myself with many questions and thoughts about why i’m here and what i’m supposed to do. this is my journal of self-discovery and self-actualization. enjoy!
will on January 3rd, 2009
