Evolution Of A Man

i love scary movies- particularly psychological thrillers! what i don’t like is watching people die- especially for no reason. i’m not quite sure when and where i developed this particular phobia, but it has recently gotten far enough to the point where i avoid going to see certain movies because of not wanting to see the gore, gruesomeness, etc. of each death. sometimes, it’s just the fact that people are dying. i was talking with dr. eyecandy about this and i had to tell him about my fear not of dying, but of dying too soon. and somehow i’ve turned that into a phobia now affecting my movie going. but i love scary movies! and fear is no way in which you should live your life, so i’ve decided to do something about it!

smokestack caught onto my fear, and invited me to pick up and watch the “saw” movies. i’d basically boycotted those movies once i heard how gory they were, but he assured me that they were actually really good- ones that i could really get into despite the blood and gore. he offered to watch them with me for support, and after a little while i caved in and bought all four saw installments.

those movies were so damn good! smokestack came over, and we settled in with drinks, a blunt and me with my trusty looney tunes pillow, and kicked up the surround sound for saw 1. i’m not gonna lie, i was screaming and hiding for much of the movie, but i really got into it. jigsaw is one fucked up dude. what he did to those people was so freaking demented. i really loved the intensity of the movie (i actually do like to be scared from time to time), and in the end, i was actually pretty mad that i didn’t go to see the film in theaters. i spent the rest of the weekend watching the other 3 films, and loved them just as much. when saw 5 comes out, i’m definitely going to the theater.

something that i realized about myself while watching these movies is that i love deliciously demented characters like jigsaw and hannibal lecter. i actually have a picture of hannibal on my vision board- a representation of the type of character i’ve always dreamed of playing in a movie some day. i don’t know, there’s just something in me that every so often wants to be devilishly evil- performing in a role like that would be a dream come true for me. crazy, huh? the boy who’s scared of death wants to play a serial killer. wow.

since i had such a great time watching saw, i’ve decided to face this phobia a bit more. i’m going to try and see at least 2 scary/gory movies a month (in theaters), and try to kick this thing. it’s just tomato juice, right?