on a new chapter of growth…
will on October 22nd, 2008
ok, i’m finally back from texas and am feeling pretty friggin’ good! i may have silently complained damn near the entire time i was there, but I must say, i really needed the relaxation and time away from the chaos of nyc. being out in the open with not much to do really allowed me to sit down, think, and put a few things in perapective and in order.
i thought a lot about where i am at this point in my life. i may be unemployed, but i’m slowly building a company and legacy of my own- and words can’t express how excited i am! my book is finished, and in the past couple of weeks i’ve gotten several leads on how to get it published and promoted. and if dreams are any indication of what’s to come, then 2009 is going to be a tremendously delicious year.
thinking about what my work could possibly create for myself and for the world, i was left very little space for complaining about what’s wrong in my life. additionally, i got really clear on how to face some of the personal challenges ahead. i was venting about the issues i’m having with saying “no,” being social, working out, friendships, and a few other things to a friend of mine a few days ago; and he said something that really stuck in my mind: “will, man up or remain as is!”
there are so many things that have remained constant in my life despite my desperately wanting them to change. i still don’t work out on a regular basis; i continue to open myself to be taken advantage of by saying “yes” all the time and to everyone; and i continue to struggle with meeting new people and being social. i’ve taken very small steps in the past month or so to better myself in these areas; but after a few days, i usually end up breaking my stride and falling apart- either out of wanting to make someone happy or wanting others to make the first move. however being told to “man up” and taken away from my problems for 2 weeks really helped put things in perspective. specifically, i’ve learned that it’s up to me continue to make change happen- in all areas of my life; not just in creating something new.
i stand here at my wits end ready to MAN UP when it comes to asserting myself and taking control of my life. so many things that i want for myself never happen because i don’t want to do the work and/or am waiting for someone else to take the reigns. i feel very accomplished in relatively new areas of my life, but as far as dealing with these resurfacing issues are concerned, i’ve become way to comfortable with letting them exist as they are and dealing with them by a few quick fixes and venting to other people. the only thing stopping me from breaking through is me. no more!
i know exactly what i have to do to set myself free from all of this. change my mind! change my mind about how scary and intimidating introducing myself and talking to other people can be, and focus on what’s possible by commanding a room of people. change my mind about the pains of working out and focus on the health and happiness that comes with the body of my dreams. change my mind about appeasing and fixing everyone by saying “yes,” and concentrate on building balanced friendships. all i have to do is be assertive and what? man up! Take control of my life instead of allowing my life to control me.
it’s all easier said than done, of course, but being aware of my behavior definitely helps prevent stumbling into pitfalls, and gets me that much closer to having a breakthrough. that’s pretty inspiring (and helpful, too). it’s actually very exciting to be on the cusp of growth. i feel way more alive since i’ve put this into play than i did when everything was stagnant.
hmmm… looks like texas really did do me some good!
