Evolution Of A Man

i seem to have a problem with silence in social settings. yesterday, i hung out, separately, with two friends- one i’ve known for a while, and the other i met recently. in both meetings, i couldn’t stay quiet. it’s like that with everyone, really. i get uncomfortable when i’m hanging out with others- especially in my apartment- and things get quiet. so i just start talking, or think of something random to say to keep the conversation going.

it’s probably because i’m always thinking about the moment more than i’m living in the moment. the wheels of my mind are always turning, and i’m just way too connected with what’s going on up there. i get lost in my thoughts of “why is no one saying something? is he bored? should i be saying something?” that i just start bringing up whatever is on my mind, or talking about something that i’m doing just to fill the silence.

i’m not going to over-analyzing why i believe i engage in this behavior. i already know why. but i just wanted to point out that i’m now aware of it. aware of my living in my head as opposed to the moment in spending time with my friends. i’m also aware of how i fill silence with with more “me.” and now that i know, i can focus more of my energy on enjoying the company of people i encounter, as opposed to continuously moving the moment along.