hard times, hard lessons
its generally said that the holidays can be very difficult because it’s the time of the year when we tend to look at our lives through a magnifying glass. everything we lack or don’t have seems that much harder to deal with- especially this year with the current economy.
as christmas draws closer and closer, i find myself becoming increasingly depressed and sad. for the first time in my life, i cannot afford christmas this year. my mom offered me ticket home, and i accepted, but all i can really offer this year is my presence- i can’t put anything under the tree, and i dont have any desire to receive anything either. i have no job, am struggling to pay bills, and feel like i’ve hit rock bottom. the happiest of christmas jingles almost bring tears to my eyes. i am very grateful for my health and having a roof over my head, everyday i feel more and more like my life is slowly slipping away from me. six months ago i was happy and somewhat fulfilled, and now i barely recognize myself.
i’ve had a lot of time to think about how i got here, and what lessons i can take into my future to prevent returning to this poor and frustrated state. the biggest, most impactful lesson i’ve learned is the importance of proper budgeting. i’m pretty good with saving money, but when it comes to budgeting, i’m a mess! life was good until my savings ran out; and in the months since, my finances got shot to hell. i am only just now beginning to budget my tiny, but very useful unemployment check. at the end of the day, i have no money, and my bills are slowly and barely getting paid; but such is the result of poor money management. when God blesses me with a well-paying job again (hopefully very soon), trust me when i say there will be a serious budget involved!
i’ve had some very hard pillsto swallow this year, and i’m trying my best to keep my head up despite them. i can only pray that things will get better soon. until then, i’m begging for mercy. what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger, right?
le sigh… i’m praying for a christmas miracle!
Leave a Reply