Evolution Of A Man

an old coworker and good friend of mine always used to say to me, “i don’t worry about you!” regardless of how insecure i felt about who i am or where i’m going, she (courtney) would always reply with that statement. tonight, i have finally reached the point where i actually believe her.

stemming from the introductory meeting i had with a berkeley alumnus last week, tonight i was invited to a social gathering at the dakota apartment complex on the upper west side. i was a bit apprehensive about attending- given what i thought was my lack of social interaction ability and being intimidated by wildly successful gay men of stature. nevertheless, i convinced myself that this was a gathering that i very much so needed to attend. and boy was it ever…

i arrived at the dakota around 8pm- fashionably late, but early enough not to have really missed anything. i walked into the front office and almost lost it when the attendant asked me for my name and then subsequently checked my name off on “the list.” laugh if you must, but i’ve never really experienced having to be on a list before- this was big for me, and it made me feel incredibly included and important. i was given directions through the vast, historic complex to the 7th floor apartment, and could barely contain my excitement as I walked through the courtyard, entered my friend’s building and called the elevator. i reached the seventh floor, walked a few paces to the left, and opened a large wooden door to one of the most lavish homes i’ve ever encountered in my 7+ year life as a new yorker. there was a rather long hallway that gave entrance into at least 6 different rooms of varying sizes and functions. this place was huge!

i was greeted by my friend moments after i entered the apartment. he introduced me to his partner and then took me straight to the bar for a cocktail. drink in hand, i was then introduced to his friends and other socialites that frequented this monthly upper west side gathering. from the beginning i made a promise to myself to BE MYSELF, and not let my nerves or insecurities get in the way of networking and having a good time. being the youngest gentleman and only black man in a gathering of about 30 prominent gay men was at first very intimidating, but i quickly shrugged it off. i was invited to attend the party- that was all i needed to know that i belonged. so i took advantage of the opportunity.

i mingled and networked as if i were a seasoned pro. it was quite simple, actually. the hardest part for me has always been introducing myself to people- especially in a room full of people that i don’t know. but everyone there was so welcoming and friendly, that there was really no need at all to be nervous or intimidated. sure, they were all incredibly established and worth millions more than i, but still… i was there for a reason. i threw all the bullshit out the window, and introduced myself to as many people as i could- striking up some very interesting conversations with several people over cocktails, dinner and desert. at one point, i had to take a moment and let everything sink in. for starters, i’ve been trying to get into the dakota ever since i first laid eyes on it seven years ago. furthermore, here i was- in the most uncertain and transitional periods of my life- rubbing elbows with some of the most inspirational and successful people i’ve ever met… and fitting in. as i flowed in and out of conversation, i became very present to the fact that i do know what i’m doing, and therefore, courtney couldn’t have been more right! i am a funny, intelligent and engaging individual, and there’s absolutely nothing for me to worry about when it comes to the success i will have during my lifetime.

all in all, i had a blast tonight! i met some very interesting and amazing people, and i learned a lot about myself in the process. i am very appreciative of the opportunity i was given tonight (thanx garry!), and i can’t wait ’til next month’s gathering.

damn, i love growing as an individual and finding out what i’m really made of! it’s truly a liberating experience. i’m on cloud 9 right now!