Evolution Of A Man

i have such a problem following through on the plans that i make, as it relates to my career and my hustle. i’m great with little things- the things i know how to do from experience, and those tasks where the steps are already laid out for me. but when it comes to venturing into new territory, i’m a lot of talk and no action.

my excuses for many things in my life vary tremendously. “i don’t know what to do.” “i don’t really believe in myself.” “i don’t have the experience.” “i’m not smart, cool or liked enough.” “i don’t fit in.” “i don’t have what it takes.” all of these and more have served as my reasons for not taking a stand in my life and move forward with the ideas and thoughts that i’ve had for my future. but in truth, i’m afraid. very afraid. i’m afraid of taking risks and of failing.

it may sound strange, but i find comfort in this fear. i’ve gotten to know it very well and, over time, we’ve become good friends. the trouble is that despite how comfortable living in and with this fear may be, it leaves me increasingly and incredibly unhappy. my life has pretty much been stagnant for at least the last 7-8 months because i’ve been too afraid to step out on faith, give myself some credit and try. i can’t take it anymore, and when i think about it, i don’t really have the time to allow things to remain the same. i’ve gotta try.

i was talking with a friend who called me out on my lack of follow-through, and it became quite clear how much i get in my own way. i voiced all my frustrations and excuses, and realized that EVERYONE goes through this. i’m not the first person in the world to ever have been made fun of, or to have felt inadequate… we all feel that way from time to time. but we all have to, at some point, let all that bullshit go and hustle for ours if we’re ever to make a success out of our thoughts and ideas. intellectually, i totally understand all that- i really do. i’ve just had trouble applying it in my own life.

the biggest, and perhaps most useful suggestion i got to help me get my shit together was to write down what a successful 2009 would look like for me. really sit and think not only about what i want for myself this year, but what would make me feel accomplished and fulfilled. then take the list and post it somewhere i’d see it every day as a reminder of what i’m shooting for, and as inspiration to get my ass in action. i thought about it long and hard, and this is what i came up with:

what a successful 2009 looks like for will mcnair

get “evolution of a man” book published

sell 500 copies of book

earn income of $50,000

increase “evolution…” website visits to an average of 100 hits per day

go on 12 dates

speak at 10 -15 book / community events

increase pectoral muscle size & get rid of stomach buddha

there it is… my list of successes for 2009! i think it’s important to note that this is only the tip of the iceburg- my overall goals are a bit more far-reaching. this list represents what, at the end of the day, would make me feel like 2009 was a successful and productive year. i thought about where i stand right now- for example, having gone on 0 dates for the year, and boasting average daily website hits of 29.5. i also took into consideration what’s reasonable considering the fact that we’re already about 4 months into 2009. i feel that what i laid out for myself is still highly attainable and very realistic. i’m posting this list in at least 3 places in my apartment where i will see it often, and can remain inspired.

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the message in church this morning was “looking for real faith.” while always i’ve considered myself to be a faithful person, i must admit that my faith has dwindled a bit in this last year since losing my job and struggling to piece my life back together. today’s was a message that i really needed to hear. it felt good to be reminded not only that i am not alone, but that God is indeed in control… all i have to do is trust in him, be encouraged, and know that i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. while i know difficult times still lie ahead (especially if i press on with being an entrepreneur as opposed to taking a desk job), i can feel the gentle push of God’s hand in my life- from the advice and placement of my friends, to the inspiring goals for success i’ve laid out for myself. for right now, that’s all i need.

i feel like i’ve got new motivation. well, refreshed motivation. i could use a little more momentum, but that will come in time. it’s a struggle, but i’m nearing the level of excitement i once had about my life and future. if i can just stay disciplined and focused, i have no doubt that this will be the most productive and successful year i’ve ever had!