will on June 29th, 2009
i decided this morning, after a long hiatus, to resume my half-hour morning run routine. 15 minutes in- on the corner of Marcus Garvey and Myrtle Ave- i stepped off the curb and twisted my ankle. really, universe?
the devil is a LIAR!!!
hobbling back home now, but i’ll be back. i WON’T be defeated!
will on June 20th, 2009
giving it one more try…
dear universe,
beyonce’s worldwide “I Am…” tour finally arrives to madison square garden in new york tomorrow night and i still don’t have a ticket! i was blessed enough to be able to attend her last tour, “the beyonce experience,” both nights she was in new york- treating a few friends to the concert as well. but now, after losing my job and my financial stability, i’m incredibly saddened that i may not be able to see sasha fierce in all her glory this time around.
i need ur help, people! y’all know i luvs me some beyonce; and i know somebody out there has a (free) extra, hot-seat, ticket and is looking for a concert buddy. help a brotha out, pleeeaaaase!! ask and you shall receive, right? c’mon universe… work your magic! i need to be shakin’ my bootay at that concert… i’d be so forever grateful! 
hugs and kisses
~ a loyal (and a little desperate) beyonce fan!
will on June 18th, 2009
it’s been quite a while since i’ve thanked the lawd for one of his marvelous, manly creations. in celebration of his 36th birthday today, i decided to bring back an oldie, but delicious goodie!
eddie cibrian
eddie’s been givin’ us the hotness for quite some time now, but i must say the role that stamped him forever into my fantasies was his one-scene performance in the 1998-released movie “living out loud.” *swoon*
thank you, lord, for being the amazingly talented creator that you are! good job, jesus! oh, and happy birthday, eddie!
will on June 16th, 2009
in a conversation with a friend this evening i shared a goal that i have this summer to get rid of the pudge of fat surrounding my midsection. it’s time to get serious and goin’ when it comes to steppin up the exercise. anyway, my friend’s advice was:
“anything that makes it jiggle will make it go away.”
i thought this was a very cute way of phrasing the types of exercises i should be doing. he suggested jumping rope as the most ideal thing to do to fix my little situation. i’ve always loved jumping rope, and it will definitely ‘make it jiggle,’ so i’m definitely down to try.
on top of that jiggling goodness, jumping rope will pretty much tone up the rest of my body as well. i’m at the point where i’m tired of focusing on getting bigger and really, just want to tone and sculpt my body. i’ve got a pretty nice physique, i just need to get it tight and fit. so, i’m stickin to the basics… push-ups, ab exercises, and jumpin’ rope as a start! i’m goin’ to modells tomorrow to pick one up.
starting out, i’m sure i’ll crap and tire the hell out out after 3-5 minutes; but with practice and persistence, i plan on having some mario lopez-esque routines ala the [deliciously penis waving] example here:
gotta love that mario lopez
anyway, i gotta give a shout out to my boy, dev, for inspiring this new take on and motivation to exercise. thanx, buddy!
will on June 14th, 2009
the storms of life have really been gettting to me recently, and i’m very glad to say that, finally, i can see blue skies once again!
in the beginning of last week, i was really going thru it. i could barely get myself out of bed, and when i did, i moped around like a sad little puppy dog– locked in a state of depression and grief over what I felt was an uninspired life. on top of that, i was frustrated with trying to get my cable and internet service hooked up. cablevision came to my apartment 3 days in a row during the week, and in the end, still couldn’t get my cable installed. it was not shaping up to be a good week.
on wednesday i got a call from my girl, shondell, who has been such a tremendous force of positivity and inspiration for me during these tough times. i shared with her what i had been going through during the week, and she told me a story about a struggle she had, and a lesson she learned in letting go and letting God. she helped me to realize that we, as individuals, really have everything we need in life to be well and succeed; we just need to relax, trust in God, and know–truly know– that in the end, everything will be okay. hearing her testimony really brightened my spirits.
later that same day, shondell texted me telling me to “tune into oprah, RIGHT NOW!” the show was a re-run of a best life week episode on “spirituality 101.” i’d seen the episode before, but the refresher couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. in it, oprah made mention of a gratitude journal that she keeps and writes in on almost a daily basis. as soon as i heard that, my mind started to race and i thought of journaling what i’m grateful for… keeping the good things that are working in my life fresh and present in my thinking. since seeing that episode, i’ve started to write down 5 things from each day that i’m grateful for, as well as writing prayer notes to God. since starting this new thing, i feel so alive and in such great spirits, i can barely contain myself!
in addition to all of that, randomly, on thursday, i picked up my book manuscript and started re-writing “evolution of a man: a journal of self-discovery.” the stuff that was coming out of me was so amazing that i almost couldn’t stop writing. i’ve been locked in ever since! i feel so on fire right now! like i have purpose again. it’s so awesome how quickly things can go from darkness to light. this book is seriously going to be a brilliant and amazing piece of work. i can’t wait for you all to read it! the goal is to have it all re-written by the end of the month… middle of july at the latest, and then re-start the publishing process shortly thereafter.
i feel like my life is back on track right now, and i couldn’t be more excited! thank God for friends like shondell, and for what being grateful and trusting in Him can bring about in our own lives. i’m so freakin’ stoked right now! lol let’s go, people! upward and onward!
will on June 10th, 2009
i’d kill for these shoes!
a friend of mine snapped this pic in a subway station after having a shoegazm on the platform. i don’t blame him.
will on June 10th, 2009
has life ever made you feel like this?
yup! life can be a real bitch sometimes. but as a friend (and watching this video) reminded me… you gotta laugh at the madness.
will on June 9th, 2009
although i’m still reveling in the beautiful blessing that is my new apartment, i have to admit that i’ve been incredibly depressed lately. i’ve not felt like myself for a very long time- i’m sad almost all day long, i have no interest in ANYTHING, and i have very little energy. on most days, it takes me at least an hour to talk myself out of bed after waking up in the morning. i just lie awake asking myself “what for?” when thinking about getting up and starting my day. like, what’s the point? i’m not excited by or passionate about anything, and the only thing i want to do is bury myself under the covers and pray for things to get better.
yesterday was a particularly bad day. normally a speed-walker, i found myself dragging my feet up and down the numerous blocks of my neighborhood, trying to find something to do, and wishing for interest and excitement to enter my life once again. i spent most of the day at home, lying on my couch, browsing through the same 10 websites over and over again. i just couldn’t break out of this sad and lonely feeling.i’ve been told that the best thing to do is to just accept what i’m going through, which i have only partially done, but how do you accept such a horrible feeling? and furthermore, what do you then do once you’ve accepted it?
i’ve been praying like crazy looking for answers and direction, but nothing has really showed up. a friend asked if i was being specific and clear in what i was praying for, to which i didn’t really have much of an answer. it’s been very hard to pray lately because i don’t know specifically what i want, or what i’m looking for. i just want this period of depression and loneliness to be over. as far as my future is concerned, or what i want for my life, that all remains a blur. i thought about my friend’s suggestion of being very specific about the things i ask God for, and my mind drifted to an episode of “run’s house” when the boys were writing prayer notes to God. i thought about how it’s generally easier for me to write what i want to say and how i feel than it is to speak what it is that i’m thinking. so i began to write to God.
i first thanked him for this period that i’m in, as hard as it may be to go through, and for the blessing of my apartment. then i started to write my frustrations about being so sad, disinterested and depressed. this can’t be it! how can i feel such an intense feeling of greatness at my core, and at the same time have no interest or desire to create anything? why would HE give me such feelings and not bring that passion out? i got as much as i could muster out on paper, and when i was finished writing i did feel better. not complete, but better.
i’m still dragging a bit today (nothing changes overnight), but i’m in greater spirits than i was yesterday. i continue to pray for my life and that things will perk up soon. i plan on writing letters to God a lot more, and off the suggestion of big brother, talking to God like i would any other friend. don’t hold back. i know i get caught up in having to approach prayer in a certain way… it’s good to see that prayer doesn’t always have to be so formal.
i just really need God to hear me! and to show up in my life. because i don’t know how much longer i can go on feeling so down. it’s more draining than i can bear.
will on June 5th, 2009
after a few weeks of chaotic madness, the dust is finally starting to settle over here in my world, and the time has come for me to resurface once again and re-establish myself in the blogosphere.
i’ve spoken recently of several changes that have taken place in my life over the course of the last 3 weeks. to name a few: i turned 30 years old; someone i thought was a close friend cut me out of his life unexpectedly, and for no good reason; and most significant, i vacated my precious apartment, bungalow 425. with the exception of hitting the milestone of turning 30, these life-altering changes have shaken me to my core. losing smokestack as a friend and having to find a new apartment were things that i did not at all see coming (although i probably could have called them had i stepped out of my reverie and focused on reality a bit more); but they were both very necessary in terms of my progression and re-invention.
i won’t recount what happened with smokestack (it’s all here), but i will add that his dismissing me has had a greater effect on me than i anticipated. i miss him! i miss talking to him, laughing with him, and the companionship we shared. i think about him all the time. admittedly, many of the these thoughts are more sexual than friendly; but more than anything, and despite all his fuckery, i miss having him around; and i wonder if he thinks about, or even misses me at all. i know that time heals all wounds, and that this too shall pass, but no longer having such a close friend in my life– having to turn all the time, effort and attention i spent on him to myself– is proving to be difficult to handle. i feel incredibly lonely, but i’m grateful for the lesson learned and am overcoming the disappointment and angst more and more as each day passes.
as for bungalow 425, that was more of a mutually agreed upon separation. being unemployed, i could not afford the incredibly high price of rent; and while my landlord was quite understanding and lenient, it was only a matter of time before my partial rent payments would not have mattered at all in comparison to the total cost of living in such an affluent building and neighborhood. so i had to pack up and leave. for the first time in six and a half years, i needed to find a place to live– one that would fit within my strict and tiny budget. it was an incredibly daunting task. i’d become so accustomed to living in abundance, and the idea that my life and lifestyle was about to change dramatically was almost too much to bear. i had two weeks to find and secure a new place of residence and, being the booshie and mildly naive person that i am, i broke down on a few occasions perusing through the numerous west bubble-fuck nowhere-located craigslist ads of apartments i could afford, and viewing the “my bed won’t even fit in here” studio apartments in neighborhoods i had come to know and was comfortable with. by the end of week one, i was a “whoa is me” facebook and twitter status, pseudo-suicidal mess! but God is good, and he had a plan…
late one night, i came across an ad for a “spacious studio” apartment in the stuyvesant heights area of bed stuy. the apartment wasn’t too far from where bungalow 425 is located, my “new york mom” had just moved to the area, and a good friend of mine, big brother, also lived a just few blocks away. the description of the apartment, including the words “approx. 800 square feet” looked very promising, so i immediately called the broker (broker? ugh) and scheduled a time to see the place.
it’s funny how the universe works. as i started to settle into the fact that i’d be moving into a studio apartment, i drew a picture of the kind of space i wanted– dimensions, furniture settings, appliances and all– and posted it on my vision board. imagine my surprise when i walked into the stuyvesant heights apartment and viewed an almost identical space to the studio i had drawn just a couple of nights before:
i almost lost my damn mind when i saw this place. it looked to be the perfect little space for me to begin the next era of my life. located on the ground floor of a three-story brownstone (just 2 steps down from street-level), it seemingly had all the space i’d need, a larger kitchen than bungalow 425, new, stainless steel appliances, and access to the backyard. the landlord was a middle-aged and dred-locked black woman who owns and lives on the top 2 floors of the home. i viewed the apartment for about 10 minutes, and before i left, had claimed it as MINE.
the next week was a scramble and mixture of filling out applications, selling belongings to pay for the rent, biting my nails waiting for approval, and all the general nervousness that comes with starting a new life. i jumped for joy and thanked the heavens after getting approved to move in, but struggled with coming up with the money for the broker’s fee (12% of the annual rent– have you lost your mind?). i was able to get the broker down to 10%, and by the grace of God, was given the money i needed from two very good and amazing friends of mine who i love and appreciate dearly! everything came together, and the apartment officially became mine on june 1st.
i cannot tell you how ecstatic i am right now. i feel like a new man…seriously! an individual re-ignited with vigor, joy and new life. i walk around this apartment unable to keep a smile off my face and contain my excitement. i thank God for it and everything in it– the walls, the floors, the appliances, the space. it’s perfect for will 2.0– the name a friend and i have given this new era of my life. unlike bungalow 425, terrace 367 has more of a modern feel to it, and, complete with half the furnishings of my old apartment, is a true bachelor’s pad as opposed to the extension of my college dorm room that was my old living space. you can see my growth as an individual from the moment you walk into the apartment, and you can sense my progression as you walk about the room.
i can’t wait to see what i create, and who i become as a result of living here. terrace 367 is the new bungalow 425, and will 2.0 is the next evolution of a man. God is so good! let’s go!
