Last week a new friend of mine invited me to check out an inspirational support group he participates in called “Touch and Agree.” He didn’t say much about the group outside of how they meet on Tuesdays and how he always leaves feeling uplifted and inspired; but being familiar with the meaning behind the title, I knew it had something to do with spirituality. Recently my prayers have been centered around finding direction within my own life, meeting new people and making new friends; so from the moment the invitation reached my ears, I knew God was trying to tell me something. Without a second thought I said “yes,” and though I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I literally couldn’t wait for Tuesday night to come.
I walked into an 8th avenue Starbucks on Tuesday feeling anxious and nervous- a common resounding sensation I encounter when stepping into a new experience- but overall, I was tremendously excited. I walked up the wooden staircase to the second floor of the coffee shop and found a group of about 15-20 young adults sitting in a large circle around small tables engaged in intimate conversation. There was a peaceful yet animated presence around the group- one you couldn’t help but be drawn to. Almost immediately, my nerves were calmed and my interested peaked beyond comparrison. I took a seat at one end of the circle, passing and low-fiving my friend on the way, and leaned in to hear what the others sat so attentively to take in. Someone was sharing a testimony he had from the past week to intermittent cheers of “Hallelujah” and “Thank you, Jesus!” and for the first time in my life, this public display of religion didn’t make me uncomfortable. I usually have a very difficult time praising the Lord outside of church, and have never felt at ease doing so amongst other Christians in my age group. I suppose my relationship with God has just not yet gotten to the point of outward worship despite my surroundings. It didn’t take me long at all to realize that this group would change my thoughts around studying, and being supported by the word of God.
As the meeting continued, I sat listening intently to all of the testimonies and words of encouragement. I was thoroughly wrapped up in every minute. It was like my soul was filling itself up on every succulent morsel of conversation. I’ve been struggling so much lately trying to figure out my path and direction in life, and the passion with which these young people spoke about God’s work in their lives really touched me. I heard of the miracles and blessings that were taking place and all I could think was, “how can I get some of that? where do I begin?” The experience was overwhelming, not simply because of the spiritual aspect, but also because of the company itself. Just about everyone there is an artist in some way, shape, or form- singers, dancers, actors, writers, etc.- they are the people I wish myself to be. I’ve always sensed there is something great inside of me just bursting to get out- a talent, skill, purpose. I believe I was created to entertain and inspire others, and I have been praying and praying that God will send people and friends into my life that will help me progress with my goals and dreams. The participants of Touch and Agree are an artistic, supportive bunch who LOVE the Lord and claim their destiny in Jesus’ name. I just couldn’t get enough of hearing what they had to say.
There was much conversation about having faith- building our faith muscle- and staying faithful in the midst of our confusion because God is always there and is in control. That hit me pretty hard. When I was younger my faith was so strong, but recently it’s become incredibly hard to maintain a faithful spirit despite all the confusion and uncertainty that clouds my mind. One of my goals in joining Touch & Agree is to rebuild my faith and gain faith that surpasses all understanding. Another jewel of inspiration came from my friend, Dewayne, who mentioned an enlightening reminder he received about trusting God’s direction. It is important to remember that God has already been to where we are going. As we walk the rocky path of our lives He’s coming in the opposite direction- returning from our destiny. He’s already seen our future- all we need to is trust his word and be obedient. It’s at times so much easier said than done– especially when we’re going through the storm– but we must trust and believe that the Lord knows what he is doing.
Touch & Agree could not have come into my life at a better time. I am so grateful and cannot wait for next week. I need this! I need the encouraging support, the friends, the guidance in the word, and the blessings that follow. Thank you so very much, Lord, for bringing me to Touch & Agree. I pray you continue to make it a blessing upon my life.
E. Lynn Harris passed away Friday at the early age of 54. I don’t know the conditions that caused his death, but it came very unexpectedly and, like many celebrity deaths we’ve experienced this summer, leaves me stunned.
Though I haven’t read all of his work, his first book, “Invisible Life” was the first I happened upon that featured black gay men who like other men. There have been many things said about the way Harris depicts the black gay male in his books, but I, for one, am really grateful for him because he paved the way for writers like myself to flourish while staying true to who we are.
I thank you, E. Lynn, for inspiring me to not be afraid to write what I feel. I dug out my copy of “Invisible Life” and shall read it this week in your honor. You will be greatly missed.
This is a double-feature of sorts.There are two sanctified cries of gratitude that must go out to the good lawd this week for his bountiful creativity and glory. The first is for Jashiro Dean. Jashiro is an amazing photographer and friend who, during his visit to New York this week, was able to shoot one of the sexiest Brooklynites I have ever encountered. This Bed Stuy resident (who lives, like, a block away from me- *woot!*) get’s the second, but ever so vociferous cry of praise to the maker of all things sexy and good.
Steven Sutherland
I’ve only seen Steven once– the day of this shoot– but those were three minutes that I will carry with me always. Just look at that pouty little mouth. I love it! And that “peace” shirt is EVERYTHING- not only in color, but in the way it tempts me to go to my naughty place. *swoon* Ok, lemme collect myself.
Jashiro really does take some wonderful pictures. He has a very good eye. I LIVE for the thrown-to-the-side underwear in that last pic; and, of course, for the slight crack of ass in the one before it. Jashiro had his very first photography showing here in Brooklyn on Saturday- which went really well. The brotha is about to do some big things! Check out more of his work at www.jashiro.com.
Good Job, Jesus! Creating pretty people and talented minds… you never cease to amaze me.
My friend and I woke up feeling great and had a Ledisi jam session. If you don’t know who Ledisi is, I suggest you step up and catch up… ‘cuz you’re really missing out! Peep the morning fun:
My friend mentioned this to me today as we were strolling down the street. He was describing the manner in which men (specifically black men) saunter around the blocks of their neighborhood. “You know the kind of guys you see walking around that just have that swagger- that emanating presence of confidence and sexuality,” he said? “They walk with their dicks!” My right eye twitched and eventually released a heavy side-eye upon the fuckery I thought was that statement; but trotting down the long stretch of road leading to the Utica A-train I encountered several guys who, as subtly as they could, directed their gaze to my friend and his apparent “swagger.” I was intrigued by his theory. There were glances in his direction as we approached, and turned, back-facing gazes as we passed. Whether or not they were checking him out, I don’t know; but they were looking…hard. He attributed all the attention to the confidence in his step (he said he feels amazing today) and the security he has in his own manhood, asserting, “I may be a little feminine, but I got a dick and I love being a man. Guys look at me and like my swagger ‘cuz I, like them, walk with my dick. That’s what you gotta do… walk with your dick!”
walk. with. my. dick. hmmm…
I’ve given much thought to the general meaning of the word, “swagger” and I’m admittedly still a little fuzzy; at least I was until this afternoon. I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary and found several definitions. A person’s swagger (or “swagga” as it is more commonly known) is:
“How one presents him or her self to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in a person’s walk.”
I didn’t quite grasp onto this particular definition- the use of the word “situation” here irked me and derailed my understanding. I kinda hate how much we [read: black people (including myself)] repeatedly use that word as a way to, I dunno, NOT fully describe the events or circumstances about which we’re talking… but that’s just me. I found another, more satisfying, definition that simply defined “swagger” as:
“A person’s style- the way they walk, talk, dress.”
Clearly, defining the word “swagger” isn’t all that difficult and I’m just slow. After reading through some of the other definitions, though, I realized that my confusion isn’t about how swagger is defined, but more so how [a prominent] swagger is exuded. I’ve only really heard the word used to describe the more urban or “hood” dick-walkers figures of the black male community as opposed to someone like myself… or, say, Wayne Brady. Can I not have swagger; or is my swagger just not yet evolved? The suggestion to “walk with your dick” does sound appealing in this I-haven’t-had-sex-in-over-a-year age, but would it really give me swagger? What does it even mean to walk with your dick? I decided to put it to the test.
While traipsing around Soho this afternoon with my newly self-proclaimed dick-walking friend I, myself, tried to attempt walking with my dick. When my thoughts traveled to the task at hand I pushed my groin outward, and drew all my attention to the power of my penile area. It felt, for a minute, very “welcome to my penis”-esque (and I’m sure my facial expressions could have gotten me arrested, somewhere); but soon the concept set in, over the execution, and I was able to pull my body together. I recognized that it’s not about expressing my penis power physically (the penis, in fact, is irrelevant altogether), but about expressing the confidence—the swagger—behind it. “Walk with your dick” now made sense- giving me a thoughtful and fun way to exude confidence; and my side-eye the space to retreat and slumber once again.
When it comes to having swagger, you exude it by way of being. Being tha shit—many imitators, but no contenders! You take that mentality with you everywhere you go, and use it in everything you do. You WALK WIT YO’ DICK! Oh, it’s on- my life is now changed! I have crossed over into swagger territory, people. It’s only a matter of time before I reach official dick-walker status! My grind is on and my hustle has stepped up. It’s about to go down! Who’s got their swagga on?
People talk in normal sentences. Normal sentences, when written down, have both upper and lowercase letters. It is time to for some normalcy in my written sentences. I thank your eyes for being so patient with my previous madness.
one of my many summertime pleasures is the soul summit music festival in brooklyn. it takes place in ft. greene park on sundays from 3-9pm, and is one serious dance party! many djs come out to spin at this much anticipated yearly extravaganza- attracting the most eclectic mix of people in the spirit of unity and liberation; and amongst them, i get my LIFE dancing and taking in all the positive energy.
my friend, jashiro, and I spent this past sunday afternoon in the park eating, talking, laughing, and eventually, dancing the evening away:
there’s one more music festival left this summer: august 2nd. i highly suggest, if you’re in the area, that you come out and get your life as well! definitely a good time.
friday morning a good friend of mine challenged me to record my day. he offered that it would be a great way to beef up the video blog on this site and get my face out there, lol. looking to further my growth and experiences right along, i picked up my camera and went to work. what transpired throughout the day was nothing short of amazingly rejuvenating and inspiring.
as my friday progressed i was introduced to a few new and inspiring things: “friendship bread” & apartment feng shui…
i sought out a passion & vision for my life. the universe reminded me that i already have all the passion & vision i need. it’s been right in front of me the whole time…
there is always a lesson hidden inside the experiences you have throughout the day. the lesson i learned today was that great things take time; and it’s important to be patient and appreciate every moment, and everything…
sadly, we never made it to see the NY Philharmonic in Central Park due to rain; but i was way too inspired to succumb to any negative emotion about it. the universe had given me plenty to enjoy… and i can always catch the Philharmonic next year.
my horoscope, the other day, read: “be careful to view things as they really are and not merely how you would want them to be.” reading this spawned the biggest “aha” moment i’ve had in a long time.
recently i’ve become extremely frustrated with some of the people and circumstances in my life. i have a “friend” (i feel like i should use that term loosely) who i have been complaining about a lot lately for his seeming lack of care or participation in our friendship. i’ve blamed him numerous times for my unhappiness or disappointment and, as a result, find myself resenting him and the friendship we’ve come to create. reading that horoscope really put some things in perspective for me.
many of my friend’s words and actions have most certainly put a strain on our relationship- we both know that; but at the same time there have also been cases where our relationship has suffered simply because of the high expectations i created of him. i have acted out and thrown adult tantrums simply because i didn’t get my way or receive what i wanted. there’s being disappointed and then there is making yourself disappointed. at times, people may disappoint you- they may promise you things and never follow through, or borrow things and never return them. but it’s important to recognize the difference between being let down by someone and allowing yourself to be let down by way of unspoken rules and your own wants or desires. for me, a prime example of this is the tendency i have to give of myself and do for others with the hope and expectation that they will, in turn, do for me. when my generosity and kindness (more often than not) doesn’t find it’s way back around– at all or just not in the manner which i would have liked– i find a way to express my discontent- a sigh here, or a bitchy quip there. thats where i fuck up. after a recent conversation with my friend as well as reading the horoscope, i really had to take a step back and look at how i relate to other people and view the circumstances within my own life.
i can’t go around wanting and expecting everything to go my way. furthermore, i have to be clear- if i want something specific, say so- otherwise, let it be or just don’t engage in the circumstance at all. it’s stupid and not fair to give of myself and then get mad because my needs weren’t met when i hadn’t even made the effort to express what i wanted. i have to look at “what is”- what’s stated, out in the open, and undoubtedly clear in every area of my life; and separate that from the ideal of how i would like things to go or be. in doing so, i give the circumstance a chance to succeed instead of dooming it from the start through my mirror of wants and expectations. we’re not all on the same page and don’t all care about things the same way. the sooner i realize that, the better. i’m definitely much clearer now!
be careful to view things AS THEY ARE, and not merely as you would like them to be.
in the few months since i joined the social networking site twitter, i’ve become extremely addicted. i can’t even count the number of tweets i post per day, and i follow damn near every celebrity and friend i can find who inspires me in some way, shape, or form. one of the most inspirational celebrities i follow is rev run. all of his tweets are thought provoking, and are directed at pointing his followers to positive thinking, taking responsibility for themselves, and claiming their faith-fueled destiny. one such tweet he posted a few days ago has stuck with me and won’t let me go:
“STOP COMPLAINING!
Relentless repetitive POSITIVE self talk is what will see you thru! (Stay up beat!)”
- Rev Run (@RevRunWisdom)
earlier in the day, rev tweeted: “You have 2 answer this question daily! What do u want???…” i happened to stumble on that tweet as i pondered the direction of my own life; which caused me to reply, “what do you do if you don’t know what you want?” having no doubt received many other comments similar to this, rev was moved to tell us all to stop complaining!
you know how sometimes a friend will tell you something about yourself that you really can’t refute? as soon as the words come out of his or her mouth you’re stunned by their truth and forced to take a deeper look at yourself and your actions? this was one of those moments for me. as soon as i read rev’s jarring tweet i sat there, unable to move, thinking about how much complaining i do in my own life. recently, i’ve been complaining a lot about where i am in this journey as opposed to where i want to be. i’m still unemployed–struggling between the security of a 9-5 job and following a dream as a freelancer– and while i am writing what i think is an inspiring and useful book and blog, recently, i’ve been filled with a great deal of doubt about whether or not all this work is worth it- if people actually care about and could use what i have to say. in focussing on this doubt, i’ve left very little room for positive thought in my head, and as a result, i’ve gotten little to no work done. i saw all of that in myself after really hearing what rev run had to say, and i realized that i need to put more effort into positive thinking.
fonzworth bentley(@cooloutrageous)– my biggest role model at the moment– also caught a bit of the “stop complaining” wave and, yesterday, created a 21 day complaint and gossip-free fast. he tweeted the following yesterday:
TODAY IS UR LAST DAY OF COMPLAINING GUYS…..SO GET IT IN….
also there’s another catch…..but i needed to get u in first…U CANT GOSSIP
U GUESTED SO THAT MEANS U MUST REMAIN BLOG FREE FOR 21 DAYS.
YOU’LL LIVE FOCUS ON UR GOALS,YOUR PROJECTS,YOUR JOB,
U CANT TURN BACK U SAID YES
U CANNOT COMPLAIN TO YOURSELF U HAVE TO WATCH UR THOUGHTS!!!!!
THIS TAKES REAL EFFORT
i replied and said “i’m in!” the fast begins today, july 1st, and goes until july 21st at 11:59pm. i’ve erased all gossip blogs from my bookmarks and turned my thought monitor on HIGH! i’m scurred, cuz i loves me a gossip blog and my thoughts have been running rampant on the complaining tip these days; but i’m also excited about the possibility of leading an incredibly productive life by staying in my own lane and avoiding the pitfalls of complaining about nonsense. i’m inspired by all of the people who have agreed to participate and can’t wait to see what happens in all our lives. it’s gonna be a great month, y’all! u don’t even know! i’ll keep you posted as we go forward.
if you’re on twitter, follow me here: @evolutionofaman and join me on this fast. let’s support and hold each other accountable! let’s go! who’s with me?
will on July 30th, 2009
