Evolution Of A Man

my horoscope, the other day, read: “be careful to view things as they really are and not merely how you would want them to be.” reading this spawned the biggest “aha” moment i’ve had in a long time.

recently i’ve become extremely frustrated with some of the people and circumstances in my life. i have a “friend” (i feel like i should use that term loosely) who i have been complaining about a lot lately for his seeming lack of care or participation in our friendship. i’ve blamed him numerous times for my unhappiness or disappointment and, as a result, find myself resenting him and the friendship we’ve come to create. reading that horoscope really put some things in perspective for me.

many of my friend’s words and actions have most certainly put a strain on our relationship- we both know that; but at the same time there have also been cases where our relationship has suffered simply because of the high expectations i created of him. i have acted out and thrown adult tantrums simply because i didn’t get my way or receive what i wanted. there’s being disappointed and then there is making yourself disappointed. at times, people may disappoint you- they may promise you things and never follow through, or borrow things and never return them. but it’s important to recognize the difference between being let down by someone and allowing yourself to be let down by way of unspoken rules and your own wants or desires. for me, a prime example of this is the tendency i have to give of myself and do for others with the hope and expectation that they will, in turn, do for me. when my generosity and kindness (more often than not) doesn’t find it’s way back around– at all or just not in the manner which i would have liked– i find a way to express my discontent- a sigh here, or a bitchy quip there. thats where i fuck up. after a recent conversation with my friend as well as reading the horoscope, i really had to take a step back and look at how i relate to other people and view the circumstances within my own life.

i can’t go around wanting and expecting everything to go my way. furthermore, i have to be clear- if i want something specific, say so- otherwise, let it be or just don’t engage in the circumstance at all. it’s stupid and not fair to give of myself and then get mad because my needs weren’t met when i hadn’t even made the effort to express what i wanted. i have to look at “what is”- what’s stated, out in the open, and undoubtedly clear in every area of my life; and separate that from the ideal of how i would like things to go or be. in doing so, i give the circumstance a chance to succeed instead of dooming it from the start through my mirror of wants and expectations. we’re not all on the same page and don’t all care about things the same way. the sooner i realize that, the better. i’m definitely much clearer now!

be careful to view things AS THEY ARE, and not merely as you would like them to be.