Evolution Of A Man

The past couple of weeks have been pretty trying over here in Will-ville. I’ve been battling what I call the “Are We There Yet” syndrome. You know…that feeling you get when you’re working toward something, but feel like there is no end in sight- the finish line getting farther and farther away, rather than closer…so you slow down and eventually stop? Yeah, that’s where I’ve been for the last two-plus weeks. Doing some work, getting impatient, throwing my hands up and asking “am I fucking there yet?”

The answer is always “No.” Clearly, I’ve got a ways to go.

One of my weaknesses is that despite my outward optimism and general positivity, on the inside, I’m usually maddeningly pontificating on the things in my life that haven’t yet taken form–“wading in the pool of  ’what I don’t have’ and not basking in the glory of what I do have,” as a friend of mine put it. I have goals that I want to accomplish and dreams for my life I want to achieve, but as I’m not sure how to make them happen, the voices of pessimism in my head usually win. At least twice in the past week, someone close to me has responded to my complaining with something to the effect of “well, you’re only in this space because you want to be.”

*blink*

Part of me gets really heated when I hear shit like that. I don’t even know what that means. I mean I’m not at all, at least consciously, desiring to live a life ruled by the negative thoughts that enter my head, or the things I feel I’m lacking. Why would anyone want that? Trust me, I DON’T want to be in this space…I just don’t know how to move past those thoughts, or shrug them off completely, when they hit me. So I just stop moving and shut down. Again, my friend stepped in to tell me about myself, and smack some sense into me…

“You would rather deal with these feelings than the fear of the unknown. If you let that bullshit go, the only thing left are your goals and it scares you. You’re working for your best friend. At your own pace/schedule…on something you’ve always wanted. And you’re not having a good day? MAN UP!

BTW…no one knows how to reach their goals. This is where safety ends and faith begins. Faith without works is dead…having faith and waiting [around for ish to happen] does nothing  :-)”

Umm, Will…your lack of faith is showing!

I had such strong faith when I was a kid/teenager. But then again, what I was facing then is nothing in comparison to what I’m facing now. New blessings, new demons, as they say. I’m seeing that in order to overcome them, my faith must be stretched. In fact, that’s why these newer, stronger demons (negative thoughts, lack of confidence, etc.) exist in the first place…to strengthen my faith, as well as to help me grow and put me closer and closer to reaching my dreams.

I was pointed (by my aforementioned friend…you know who you are and I HEART YOU!) to a few scriptures that really shed some light on the subject of stretched faith and staying strongs in times of difficulty:

“James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations. Greetings.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom [if you don't know what you're doing], he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

James 1:1-5 (NIV)

This one was also sort of mind-blowing:

“…and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Romans 5:2-5 (NIV)

So basically, Will, everything happens for a reason; and it’s all to make you a stronger, better person…the person of greatness and success you were meant, no, CREATED to be. Shut up and do the work; trust God and allow yourself to be molded; and watch the life of your dreams appear right before your eyes. But you must [continue to] do the work.

I take my leave from this post with one final quote:

“You gotta do what you HAVE to do, in order to do what you WANT to do”

~Denzel Washington

“…and what you WANT to do will be revealed by your doing what you HAVE to do!”

~Will McNair, in expectant gratitude

Consider me schooled.