My friend mentioned this to me today as we were strolling down the street. He was describing the manner in which men (specifically black men) saunter around the blocks of their neighborhood. “You know the kind of guys you see walking around that just have that swagger- that emanating presence of confidence and sexuality,” he said? “They walk with their dicks!” My right eye twitched and eventually released a heavy side-eye upon the fuckery I thought was that statement; but trotting down the long stretch of road leading to the Utica A-train I encountered several guys who, as subtly as they could, directed their gaze to my friend and his apparent “swagger.” I was intrigued by his theory. There were glances in his direction as we approached, and turned, back-facing gazes as we passed. Whether or not they were checking him out, I don’t know; but they were looking…hard. He attributed all the attention to the confidence in his step (he said he feels amazing today) and the security he has in his own manhood, asserting, “I may be a little feminine, but I got a dick and I love being a man. Guys look at me and like my swagger ‘cuz I, like them, walk with my dick. That’s what you gotta do… walk with your dick!”
walk. with. my. dick. hmmm…
I’ve given much thought to the general meaning of the word, “swagger” and I’m admittedly still a little fuzzy; at least I was until this afternoon. I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary and found several definitions. A person’s swagger (or “swagga” as it is more commonly known) is:
“How one presents him or her self to the world. Swagger is shown from how the person handles a situation. It can also be shown in a person’s walk.”
I didn’t quite grasp onto this particular definition- the use of the word “situation” here irked me and derailed my understanding. I kinda hate how much we [read: black people (including myself)] repeatedly use that word as a way to, I dunno, NOT fully describe the events or circumstances about which we’re talking… but that’s just me. I found another, more satisfying, definition that simply defined “swagger” as:
“A person’s style- the way they walk, talk, dress.”
Clearly, defining the word “swagger” isn’t all that difficult and I’m just slow. After reading through some of the other definitions, though, I realized that my confusion isn’t about how swagger is defined, but more so how [a prominent] swagger is exuded. I’ve only really heard the word used to describe the more urban or “hood” dick-walkers figures of the black male community as opposed to someone like myself… or, say, Wayne Brady. Can I not have swagger; or is my swagger just not yet evolved? The suggestion to “walk with your dick” does sound appealing in this I-haven’t-had-sex-in-over-a-year age, but would it really give me swagger? What does it even mean to walk with your dick? I decided to put it to the test.
While traipsing around Soho this afternoon with my newly self-proclaimed dick-walking friend I, myself, tried to attempt walking with my dick. When my thoughts traveled to the task at hand I pushed my groin outward, and drew all my attention to the power of my penile area. It felt, for a minute, very “welcome to my penis”-esque (and I’m sure my facial expressions could have gotten me arrested, somewhere); but soon the concept set in, over the execution, and I was able to pull my body together. I recognized that it’s not about expressing my penis power physically (the penis, in fact, is irrelevant altogether), but about expressing the confidence—the swagger—behind it. “Walk with your dick” now made sense- giving me a thoughtful and fun way to exude confidence; and my side-eye the space to retreat and slumber once again.
When it comes to having swagger, you exude it by way of being. Being tha shit—many imitators, but no contenders! You take that mentality with you everywhere you go, and use it in everything you do. You WALK WIT YO’ DICK! Oh, it’s on- my life is now changed! I have crossed over into swagger territory, people. It’s only a matter of time before I reach official dick-walker status! My grind is on and my hustle has stepped up. It’s about to go down! Who’s got their swagga on?
friday morning a good friend of mine challenged me to record my day. he offered that it would be a great way to beef up the video blog on this site and get my face out there, lol. looking to further my growth and experiences right along, i picked up my camera and went to work. what transpired throughout the day was nothing short of amazingly rejuvenating and inspiring.
as my friday progressed i was introduced to a few new and inspiring things: “friendship bread” & apartment feng shui…
i sought out a passion & vision for my life. the universe reminded me that i already have all the passion & vision i need. it’s been right in front of me the whole time…
there is always a lesson hidden inside the experiences you have throughout the day. the lesson i learned today was that great things take time; and it’s important to be patient and appreciate every moment, and everything…
sadly, we never made it to see the NY Philharmonic in Central Park due to rain; but i was way too inspired to succumb to any negative emotion about it. the universe had given me plenty to enjoy… and i can always catch the Philharmonic next year.
my horoscope, the other day, read: “be careful to view things as they really are and not merely how you would want them to be.” reading this spawned the biggest “aha” moment i’ve had in a long time.
recently i’ve become extremely frustrated with some of the people and circumstances in my life. i have a “friend” (i feel like i should use that term loosely) who i have been complaining about a lot lately for his seeming lack of care or participation in our friendship. i’ve blamed him numerous times for my unhappiness or disappointment and, as a result, find myself resenting him and the friendship we’ve come to create. reading that horoscope really put some things in perspective for me.
many of my friend’s words and actions have most certainly put a strain on our relationship- we both know that; but at the same time there have also been cases where our relationship has suffered simply because of the high expectations i created of him. i have acted out and thrown adult tantrums simply because i didn’t get my way or receive what i wanted. there’s being disappointed and then there is making yourself disappointed. at times, people may disappoint you- they may promise you things and never follow through, or borrow things and never return them. but it’s important to recognize the difference between being let down by someone and allowing yourself to be let down by way of unspoken rules and your own wants or desires. for me, a prime example of this is the tendency i have to give of myself and do for others with the hope and expectation that they will, in turn, do for me. when my generosity and kindness (more often than not) doesn’t find it’s way back around– at all or just not in the manner which i would have liked– i find a way to express my discontent- a sigh here, or a bitchy quip there. thats where i fuck up. after a recent conversation with my friend as well as reading the horoscope, i really had to take a step back and look at how i relate to other people and view the circumstances within my own life.
i can’t go around wanting and expecting everything to go my way. furthermore, i have to be clear- if i want something specific, say so- otherwise, let it be or just don’t engage in the circumstance at all. it’s stupid and not fair to give of myself and then get mad because my needs weren’t met when i hadn’t even made the effort to express what i wanted. i have to look at “what is”- what’s stated, out in the open, and undoubtedly clear in every area of my life; and separate that from the ideal of how i would like things to go or be. in doing so, i give the circumstance a chance to succeed instead of dooming it from the start through my mirror of wants and expectations. we’re not all on the same page and don’t all care about things the same way. the sooner i realize that, the better. i’m definitely much clearer now!
be careful to view things AS THEY ARE, and not merely as you would like them to be.
in the few months since i joined the social networking site twitter, i’ve become extremely addicted. i can’t even count the number of tweets i post per day, and i follow damn near every celebrity and friend i can find who inspires me in some way, shape, or form. one of the most inspirational celebrities i follow is rev run. all of his tweets are thought provoking, and are directed at pointing his followers to positive thinking, taking responsibility for themselves, and claiming their faith-fueled destiny. one such tweet he posted a few days ago has stuck with me and won’t let me go:
“STOP COMPLAINING!
Relentless repetitive POSITIVE self talk is what will see you thru! (Stay up beat!)”
- Rev Run (@RevRunWisdom)
earlier in the day, rev tweeted: “You have 2 answer this question daily! What do u want???…” i happened to stumble on that tweet as i pondered the direction of my own life; which caused me to reply, “what do you do if you don’t know what you want?” having no doubt received many other comments similar to this, rev was moved to tell us all to stop complaining!
you know how sometimes a friend will tell you something about yourself that you really can’t refute? as soon as the words come out of his or her mouth you’re stunned by their truth and forced to take a deeper look at yourself and your actions? this was one of those moments for me. as soon as i read rev’s jarring tweet i sat there, unable to move, thinking about how much complaining i do in my own life. recently, i’ve been complaining a lot about where i am in this journey as opposed to where i want to be. i’m still unemployed–struggling between the security of a 9-5 job and following a dream as a freelancer– and while i am writing what i think is an inspiring and useful book and blog, recently, i’ve been filled with a great deal of doubt about whether or not all this work is worth it- if people actually care about and could use what i have to say. in focussing on this doubt, i’ve left very little room for positive thought in my head, and as a result, i’ve gotten little to no work done. i saw all of that in myself after really hearing what rev run had to say, and i realized that i need to put more effort into positive thinking.
fonzworth bentley(@cooloutrageous)– my biggest role model at the moment– also caught a bit of the “stop complaining” wave and, yesterday, created a 21 day complaint and gossip-free fast. he tweeted the following yesterday:
TODAY IS UR LAST DAY OF COMPLAINING GUYS…..SO GET IT IN….
also there’s another catch…..but i needed to get u in first…U CANT GOSSIP
U GUESTED SO THAT MEANS U MUST REMAIN BLOG FREE FOR 21 DAYS.
YOU’LL LIVE FOCUS ON UR GOALS,YOUR PROJECTS,YOUR JOB,
U CANT TURN BACK U SAID YES
U CANNOT COMPLAIN TO YOURSELF U HAVE TO WATCH UR THOUGHTS!!!!!
THIS TAKES REAL EFFORT
i replied and said “i’m in!” the fast begins today, july 1st, and goes until july 21st at 11:59pm. i’ve erased all gossip blogs from my bookmarks and turned my thought monitor on HIGH! i’m scurred, cuz i loves me a gossip blog and my thoughts have been running rampant on the complaining tip these days; but i’m also excited about the possibility of leading an incredibly productive life by staying in my own lane and avoiding the pitfalls of complaining about nonsense. i’m inspired by all of the people who have agreed to participate and can’t wait to see what happens in all our lives. it’s gonna be a great month, y’all! u don’t even know! i’ll keep you posted as we go forward.
if you’re on twitter, follow me here: @evolutionofaman and join me on this fast. let’s support and hold each other accountable! let’s go! who’s with me?
in a conversation with a friend this evening i shared a goal that i have this summer to get rid of the pudge of fat surrounding my midsection. it’s time to get serious and goin’ when it comes to steppin up the exercise. anyway, my friend’s advice was:
“anything that makes it jiggle will make it go away.”
i thought this was a very cute way of phrasing the types of exercises i should be doing. he suggested jumping rope as the most ideal thing to do to fix my little situation. i’ve always loved jumping rope, and it will definitely ‘make it jiggle,’ so i’m definitely down to try.
on top of that jiggling goodness, jumping rope will pretty much tone up the rest of my body as well. i’m at the point where i’m tired of focusing on getting bigger and really, just want to tone and sculpt my body. i’ve got a pretty nice physique, i just need to get it tight and fit. so, i’m stickin to the basics… push-ups, ab exercises, and jumpin’ rope as a start! i’m goin’ to modells tomorrow to pick one up.
starting out, i’m sure i’ll crap and tire the hell out out after 3-5 minutes; but with practice and persistence, i plan on having some mario lopez-esque routines ala the [deliciously penis waving] example here:
gotta love that mario lopez
anyway, i gotta give a shout out to my boy, dev, for inspiring this new take on and motivation to exercise. thanx, buddy!
the storms of life have really been gettting to me recently, and i’m very glad to say that, finally, i can see blue skies once again!
in the beginning of last week, i was really going thru it. i could barely get myself out of bed, and when i did, i moped around like a sad little puppy dog– locked in a state of depression and grief over what I felt was an uninspired life. on top of that, i was frustrated with trying to get my cable and internet service hooked up. cablevision came to my apartment 3 days in a row during the week, and in the end, still couldn’t get my cable installed. it was not shaping up to be a good week.
on wednesday i got a call from my girl, shondell, who has been such a tremendous force of positivity and inspiration for me during these tough times. i shared with her what i had been going through during the week, and she told me a story about a struggle she had, and a lesson she learned in letting go and letting God. she helped me to realize that we, as individuals, really have everything we need in life to be well and succeed; we just need to relax, trust in God, and know–truly know– that in the end, everything will be okay. hearing her testimony really brightened my spirits.
later that same day, shondell texted me telling me to “tune into oprah, RIGHT NOW!” the show was a re-run of a best life week episode on “spirituality 101.” i’d seen the episode before, but the refresher couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. in it, oprah made mention of a gratitude journal that she keeps and writes in on almost a daily basis. as soon as i heard that, my mind started to race and i thought of journaling what i’m grateful for… keeping the good things that are working in my life fresh and present in my thinking. since seeing that episode, i’ve started to write down 5 things from each day that i’m grateful for, as well as writing prayer notes to God. since starting this new thing, i feel so alive and in such great spirits, i can barely contain myself!
in addition to all of that, randomly, on thursday, i picked up my book manuscript and started re-writing “evolution of a man: a journal of self-discovery.” the stuff that was coming out of me was so amazing that i almost couldn’t stop writing. i’ve been locked in ever since! i feel so on fire right now! like i have purpose again. it’s so awesome how quickly things can go from darkness to light. this book is seriously going to be a brilliant and amazing piece of work. i can’t wait for you all to read it! the goal is to have it all re-written by the end of the month… middle of july at the latest, and then re-start the publishing process shortly thereafter.
i feel like my life is back on track right now, and i couldn’t be more excited! thank God for friends like shondell, and for what being grateful and trusting in Him can bring about in our own lives. i’m so freakin’ stoked right now! lol let’s go, people! upward and onward!
although i’m still reveling in the beautiful blessing that is my new apartment, i have to admit that i’ve been incredibly depressed lately. i’ve not felt like myself for a very long time- i’m sad almost all day long, i have no interest in ANYTHING, and i have very little energy. on most days, it takes me at least an hour to talk myself out of bed after waking up in the morning. i just lie awake asking myself “what for?” when thinking about getting up and starting my day. like, what’s the point? i’m not excited by or passionate about anything, and the only thing i want to do is bury myself under the covers and pray for things to get better.
yesterday was a particularly bad day. normally a speed-walker, i found myself dragging my feet up and down the numerous blocks of my neighborhood, trying to find something to do, and wishing for interest and excitement to enter my life once again. i spent most of the day at home, lying on my couch, browsing through the same 10 websites over and over again. i just couldn’t break out of this sad and lonely feeling.i’ve been told that the best thing to do is to just accept what i’m going through, which i have only partially done, but how do you accept such a horrible feeling? and furthermore, what do you then do once you’ve accepted it?
i’ve been praying like crazy looking for answers and direction, but nothing has really showed up. a friend asked if i was being specific and clear in what i was praying for, to which i didn’t really have much of an answer. it’s been very hard to pray lately because i don’t know specifically what i want, or what i’m looking for. i just want this period of depression and loneliness to be over. as far as my future is concerned, or what i want for my life, that all remains a blur. i thought about my friend’s suggestion of being very specific about the things i ask God for, and my mind drifted to an episode of “run’s house” when the boys were writing prayer notes to God. i thought about how it’s generally easier for me to write what i want to say and how i feel than it is to speak what it is that i’m thinking. so i began to write to God.
i first thanked him for this period that i’m in, as hard as it may be to go through, and for the blessing of my apartment. then i started to write my frustrations about being so sad, disinterested and depressed. this can’t be it! how can i feel such an intense feeling of greatness at my core, and at the same time have no interest or desire to create anything? why would HE give me such feelings and not bring that passion out? i got as much as i could muster out on paper, and when i was finished writing i did feel better. not complete, but better.
i’m still dragging a bit today (nothing changes overnight), but i’m in greater spirits than i was yesterday. i continue to pray for my life and that things will perk up soon. i plan on writing letters to God a lot more, and off the suggestion of big brother, talking to God like i would any other friend. don’t hold back. i know i get caught up in having to approach prayer in a certain way… it’s good to see that prayer doesn’t always have to be so formal.
i just really need God to hear me! and to show up in my life. because i don’t know how much longer i can go on feeling so down. it’s more draining than i can bear.
after a few weeks of chaotic madness, the dust is finally starting to settle over here in my world, and the time has come for me to resurface once again and re-establish myself in the blogosphere.
i’ve spoken recently of several changes that have taken place in my life over the course of the last 3 weeks. to name a few: i turned 30 years old; someone i thought was a close friend cut me out of his life unexpectedly, and for no good reason; and most significant, i vacated my precious apartment, bungalow 425. with the exception of hitting the milestone of turning 30, these life-altering changes have shaken me to my core. losing smokestack as a friend and having to find a new apartment were things that i did not at all see coming (although i probably could have called them had i stepped out of my reverie and focused on reality a bit more); but they were both very necessary in terms of my progression and re-invention.
i won’t recount what happened with smokestack (it’s all here), but i will add that his dismissing me has had a greater effect on me than i anticipated. i miss him! i miss talking to him, laughing with him, and the companionship we shared. i think about him all the time. admittedly, many of the these thoughts are more sexual than friendly; but more than anything, and despite all his fuckery, i miss having him around; and i wonder if he thinks about, or even misses me at all. i know that time heals all wounds, and that this too shall pass, but no longer having such a close friend in my life– having to turn all the time, effort and attention i spent on him to myself– is proving to be difficult to handle. i feel incredibly lonely, but i’m grateful for the lesson learned and am overcoming the disappointment and angst more and more as each day passes.
as for bungalow 425, that was more of a mutually agreed upon separation. being unemployed, i could not afford the incredibly high price of rent; and while my landlord was quite understanding and lenient, it was only a matter of time before my partial rent payments would not have mattered at all in comparison to the total cost of living in such an affluent building and neighborhood. so i had to pack up and leave. for the first time in six and a half years, i needed to find a place to live– one that would fit within my strict and tiny budget. it was an incredibly daunting task. i’d become so accustomed to living in abundance, and the idea that my life and lifestyle was about to change dramatically was almost too much to bear. i had two weeks to find and secure a new place of residence and, being the booshie and mildly naive person that i am, i broke down on a few occasions perusing through the numerous west bubble-fuck nowhere-located craigslist ads of apartments i could afford, and viewing the “my bed won’t even fit in here” studio apartments in neighborhoods i had come to know and was comfortable with. by the end of week one, i was a “whoa is me” facebook and twitter status, pseudo-suicidal mess! but God is good, and he had a plan…
late one night, i came across an ad for a “spacious studio” apartment in the stuyvesant heights area of bed stuy. the apartment wasn’t too far from where bungalow 425 is located, my “new york mom” had just moved to the area, and a good friend of mine, big brother, also lived a just few blocks away. the description of the apartment, including the words “approx. 800 square feet” looked very promising, so i immediately called the broker (broker? ugh) and scheduled a time to see the place.
it’s funny how the universe works. as i started to settle into the fact that i’d be moving into a studio apartment, i drew a picture of the kind of space i wanted– dimensions, furniture settings, appliances and all– and posted it on my vision board. imagine my surprise when i walked into the stuyvesant heights apartment and viewed an almost identical space to the studio i had drawn just a couple of nights before:
i almost lost my damn mind when i saw this place. it looked to be the perfect little space for me to begin the next era of my life. located on the ground floor of a three-story brownstone (just 2 steps down from street-level), it seemingly had all the space i’d need, a larger kitchen than bungalow 425, new, stainless steel appliances, and access to the backyard. the landlord was a middle-aged and dred-locked black woman who owns and lives on the top 2 floors of the home. i viewed the apartment for about 10 minutes, and before i left, had claimed it as MINE.
the next week was a scramble and mixture of filling out applications, selling belongings to pay for the rent, biting my nails waiting for approval, and all the general nervousness that comes with starting a new life. i jumped for joy and thanked the heavens after getting approved to move in, but struggled with coming up with the money for the broker’s fee (12% of the annual rent– have you lost your mind?). i was able to get the broker down to 10%, and by the grace of God, was given the money i needed from two very good and amazing friends of mine who i love and appreciate dearly! everything came together, and the apartment officially became mine on june 1st.
i cannot tell you how ecstatic i am right now. i feel like a new man…seriously! an individual re-ignited with vigor, joy and new life. i walk around this apartment unable to keep a smile off my face and contain my excitement. i thank God for it and everything in it– the walls, the floors, the appliances, the space. it’s perfect for will 2.0– the name a friend and i have given this new era of my life. unlike bungalow 425, terrace 367 has more of a modern feel to it, and, complete with half the furnishings of my old apartment, is a true bachelor’s pad as opposed to the extension of my college dorm room that was my old living space. you can see my growth as an individual from the moment you walk into the apartment, and you can sense my progression as you walk about the room.
i can’t wait to see what i create, and who i become as a result of living here. terrace 367 is the new bungalow 425, and will 2.0 is the next evolution of a man. God is so good! let’s go!
as i’ve been screaming from the rooftops for the past week, yesterday was my 30th birthday! the reason why i’m so excited is because i am so incredibly ready to get the next season of my life started. there are many big changes either currently taking place or are about to get kicked off in my life right now and, in my opinion, they couldn’t be happening at a more appropriate time.
i’ve already spoken of the first of these major changes: smokestack cutting me out of his life [read: setting me free]. i’ve learned some hard lessons from my friendship with him, and i’m excited to move into my future a little more knowledgeable about people and about myself. i’m tougher now, and i know i’ll need to be in the future.
the second change has been jumping around my head for a few weeks now, but really came to light last night at my dave & busters birthday party. i talked with some friends about what’s coming up next in my life, and i realized that the time has come for me to humble myself and move into a new apartment. i’m IN LOVE with my current residence– which makes this decision all the more difficult to follow through on– but it’s time to face the music. my only stable source of income at the moment is unemployment, and it does not cover the high price of renting bungalow 425. for the last 7 years since moving to new york i have been fortunate enough to live in abundance- living in such great diggs and often living beyond my means. it’s time for me to come into reality, make some sacrifices, budget, and live more responsibly in order to fully focus on my career grind and where i’m going. so, i’m selling some of my belongings and moving– hopefully in the next two weeks– into a new, more affordable (but still nice) apartment. ideally i’d like to cut my rent in half, and i know that God will provide something amazing for me that’s perfect for what i need to do and how i need to grow.
i know that making this move will be difficult, but i feel surprisingly at ease with what has to be done. all of these things are happening right now for a reason. life is preparing me for something great and i must be willing to meet the universe half way. i’m ready for change and i welcome this opportunity to humble myself and use the beginning of this new era of my life to build myself back up.
many look at turning 30 as the beginning of getting old, but i see it as the start to gaining infinite wisdom and reaching optimal self-actualization. i’m a bit scurred, but i really can’t wait to see how i grow from all this change; and see what i create in the future.
after over three years of friendship, smokestack has decided to cut me out of his life. in the last few days he has taken a new boyfriend, or “partner” as he referred to him- someone whom he’s never even mentioned to me before last week- and they, together, have decided that smokestack needs to part ways with not only me, but several other people in his life as well. he cited not wanting anyone to threaten his new relationship as a reason for my dismissal.
now, i will be the first to admit that i made mistakes during his last relationship, which ended almost a year ago. my interest in and desire for him led me to act in a way that was disrespectful of his relationship, and as a result, it caused some tension between them. seeing the error in my ways, i’ve since apologized profusely for my actions, and thought we had both moved on. i know that i am a different person having learned my lesson, but apparently, he’s not willing to take the chance. all he had to say was, i don’t want to go thru what i did with [my last boyfriend]. what’s inconsistent with all this is that despite what i may have done or said in the past, most of the problems he had with his previous lover had nothing to do with me; and every time they broke up and smokestack needed a shoulder to cry on, i got a phone call. but i digress…
although i am hurt and disheartened by his decision, i must say i am also relieved. this separation is way overdue. the amount of energy, time and money i have spent over the last three years putting him before myself is mindblowing. but that was my choice, and in the end, from where i sit now- abandoned, broke, and cut off- i’ve learned an invaluable lesson about befriending and catering to other people. so i will take my dose of medicine with pride.
smokestack may have cited my being a possible threat to his new relationship as an excuse, but a good friend of mine made a very accurate point last night when he told me, “well, the relationship stuff may be part of it, but lets be real- basically, your money is gone and he’s found someone else to fill his pockets- so he doesn’t need u anymore.” funny what we begin to notice only after circumstances have come to a close. as i vented to friends last night, the only recurring reply was “i’m sorry, and i hate to say it, but i told you so.” it sux, but it’s the truth… they did.
he is supposed to be dropping off the things he has borrowed from me sometime today. at this point, i have nothing else to say to him. despite what little pleading i did initially out of shellshock and confusion, he told me that he has made up his mind and nothing will change it. since, i have been able to see just how much this is not a blessing in disguise, but a blessing front and center. this needed to happen, and i am grateful. what hurt i may be feeling now will soon dissipate, and i will find my way once again.
it definitely feels like the Lord is moving in very strong ways in my life these days. i believe he’s preparing me for something really tremendous as i approach my 30th birthday tomorrow. this thing with smokestack is just one example of God clearing out a path in my life for blessings to flow. and so i must make way and allow myself to grow.
i’m trying very hard to be adult about this situation; but one thing is for sure: not if, but when smokestack contats me at some point in the future- possibly after this new relationship fizzles- trying to rekindle our friendship, his efforts will be useless. i am a great person, and you had your chance. know and believe that you are forgiven, but remember that you shitted on me, telling me you wanted your freedom back. what you didn’t realize is that you set me free as well. so thanx, but no thanx!
when God closes one door, he opens another; so here i stand, beaten but not broken, in great anticipation for the next opening in my life!
will on July 22nd, 2009
