It’s a 4 minute and 20 second clip of a bunch of odd, dark and ghoulish figures–made of clay, feathers and other materials– in various stages of movement. Some sway back and forth, some change facial expressions, some dance and do much more. All set to the relaxingly beautiful Scott Walker tune. It’s a really, REALLY astonishing piece of work! It took Allison 8 months to create “Mound;” and, in my opinion, it was WELL worth it! Take a look below:

My favorite part is around the 2:45 mark.

Betchu can’t watch it just one time…

This was probably the second to last exhibit we saw on the tour, and after it was over, I rounded right back to ZieherSmith–where they had the video projected on a wall, playing repeatedly–to see it again.  I couldn’t get enough of it. Part of it was the music…the tune really sucked me in and catered, quite nicely, to my mood on that particular day. But more than that, I was transfixed by the images, and rendered immobile. I just didn’t want to be anywhere else. So I stayed and watched. For about 45 minutes. I took a nice lean against a wall and camped out.

As it turns out, I happened to catch the exhibit mere hours before ZieherSmith was scheduled to take it down. I got to it just in time. How awesome is that! Sorry y’all had to miss seeing it in person, lol, but you can definitely have your fill above.

Go on and watch the video again…you know you want to. And, also, you can peep the New York Times article about “Mound” -> here.

The [unwritten] rule ’round here is that you can claim you’re from New York after 5, 7, or 10 years; depending on who you talk to. But today I’m officially and undoubtedly asserting that I am a full-fledged, betta-not-f*ck-with-me, New Yawkah! From Brooklyn (put ya lighters up).

The past 10 years have been filled with many ups, downs, and all-arounds, which have benefited me greatly, and helped mold me into the person I am today. I can honestly say I came here a boy, and now consider myself a grown-ass-man. Reading the journals from my first year in New York, it was clear that I knew NOTHING and was scared of EVERYTHING!! Although I had a job, I hadn’t the slightest clue how to search for an apartment, hail a cab, or go out and meet people without the benefit of a college dorm/student group. Also, I was out of the closet, but not yet fully comfortable with my sexuality; which resulted in me doing things like looping the block two or three times before summoning up the courage to walk into a gay bar, coffee shop (remember the Big Cup?) or even the LGBT Center. I was a mess!

Though I still have a certain naivete about me (which I LOVE), and am continuously pushing toward breaking out of the shell of my insecurities; I am not the timid, wildly gullible and easily manipulated young pup I was back in 2002. Papa’s seen some things and mastered some rules. I can get a NY apartment in a week, walk into any gay bar or establishment without a second thought, can recognize when someone’s tryin’ to play me, can hail a cab with the best of ‘em, and am definitely more comfortable now with starting random conversations with strangers. My New York life has certainly been a blessed one, fostering tremendous growth in numerous ways. And I can’t wait to see what’s next!

From where I sit, I’m a “lifer.” I’ve got my laptop, my comfy apartment, and a handful of friends and acquaintances whom I love dearly. I ain’t goin’ no where. Just call me Carrie f*cking Bradshaw! Looking forward, however, I want to EXPAND! I’ve got a really great foundation under my feet, and I’m now ready and beginning to build UP, both personally and professionally. There are still soooo many cool places I’ve yet to visit, and sooo many interesting people I’ve yet to meet in this vibrant and eternally exciting city. Professionally, I’ve been blessed enough to work for companies here that many would kill to be a part of, and now I want and am working to create, launch and build a viable, successful and lucrative business that I can call more of my own. Oh, and, let’s not forget…I’m still looking for love (where you at, man?). I am determined to take full advantage of this next part of my New York journey. The first 10 years have been nothing short of amazing; and I am fully confident that the best is yet to come!

Happy 10-year New York Anniversary to me!

If I’m not making them myself, there are two places I usually frequent for waffles. Max Brenner (the chocolate man) makes these “After Party Belgium Waffles” that make me forget I’m single EVERY time I eat them. Then, when I’m feeling frugal [read: cheap], I enjoy the waffles at the Waverly Diner.  Monday, after recovering from my New Years Day celebration, I decided to treat myself to a last-time-for-a-long-time Max Brenner Waffle plate. Sadly, there was a 45-minute wait for a table–which I wasn’t having AT ALL–so I, for the first time, looked to Foursquare to suggest a place for waffles. Per what seemed like a wonderful tip: “I love the waffles here. Worth visiting here all the way from lower Manhattan just for this place,” I found myself on the Upper West Side walking into Cafe Lalo:

As soon as I opened the door to the small but homely restaurant, I was hit with the sweet smells of baked goods and coffee, and the sounds of old jazz music and vibrant conversation. The walls were decorated with both modern and vintage French-themed posters, which made this lover of all things tourist-related feel like I was on vacation- a warm and welcomed departure from the cyclical familiarity of my Manhattan dining experiences.

One look at the vast assortment of cakes, pies, crossaints and other baked goods behind the counter, and I knew that I was home. This meal was about to be gooood! Without adult supervision or a pauper’s income I would have been in some serious trouble…fat-fetus be damned. But my wallet wasn’t havin’ it, and, furthermore, I was on a mission. Waffles! No time for dessert.

I barely bothered with the menu, knowing full well what I wanted; however, I perused through it nonetheless. They had a bunch of delicious-sounding entrees including a French “Kiss” Quiche and a Bulgarian Country Torte; but I’m not about that life. I was all about the Authentic Belgian Waffle with strawberries and whipped cream. I ordered and asked for bacon on the side; to which my waitress smiled and replied “no meat.” What? No bacon?? *sigh.* After forcing my side-eye into retreat, I smiled back and asked for hot chocolate instead. Bacon, chocolate…fried sex, liquid sex. Either way, my mouth would be happy [pause, again]. I sipped on my hot chocolate and made busy on my iPhone, taking in the general splendor of my surroundings, until this was placed in front of me.

The woman next to me, staring at my plate, looked at me and said, “you’re a man after my own heart.” I looked at her and said, “please don’t judge me for what’s about to happen.” Then I dug in! Y’all…that waffle was SO. DAMN. GOOD! It was sweet, with a hint of spice, without being overwhelmingly doughy. And the strawberries and cream just took it to another level of mouthgasmic yumminess. It tasted like the birth of Jesus. Glorious!

Needless to say, I’ll be revisiting Cafe Lalo. For the waffle, and to have a go at the desert bar:

I strongly suggest you do the same.

Cafe Lalo is located at 201 W. 83rd Street in Manhattan.
It’s notable to mention there is a minimum credit card charge of $25.

I’ve been away for a while–thinking, reflecting, evaluating and such; but working on some interesting and cool stuff as well. One such thing is a new venture called The Crooked Gene. And it is my great pleasure to announce today, the launch of The Crooked Gene Blog Network.

The Crooked Gene Blog Network is a directory of LGBT and LGBT-friendly blogs and Tumblrs. Our mission here is simple- to provide a platform for new and established writers to share their work; and give readers a seamless connection to the minds and literary talents of our community. We’ve been working hard on creating a fun & sophisticated site worthy of the immense talent in our community, and I’m so happy I can finally share it with you all.

I can’t tell you how excited I am about this venture. I do hope you guys will come along…it’s gonna be a great ride. I feel as though I’m drawing nearer to my calling through The Crooked Gene. I’ve always have had a passion for entertaining, helping and inspiring others–especially individuals in the LGBT community–and The Crooked Gene will allow me to do just that. But, as with everything, I have to remind myself that nothing will happen over night. Baby steps first, Will…baby steps.

So…everybody head on down to The Crooked Gene (www.thecrookedgene.com) and take a look. And if you’re a blogger yourself, click on over to the Apply Now page and submit your blog. We’d absolutely love to have you!

The answer is always “No.” Clearly, I’ve got a ways to go.

One of my weaknesses is that despite my outward optimism and general positivity, on the inside, I’m usually maddeningly pontificating on the things in my life that haven’t yet taken form–“wading in the pool of  ’what I don’t have’ and not basking in the glory of what I do have,” as a friend of mine put it. I have goals that I want to accomplish and dreams for my life I want to achieve, but as I’m not sure how to make them happen, the voices of pessimism in my head usually win. At least twice in the past week, someone close to me has responded to my complaining with something to the effect of “well, you’re only in this space because you want to be.”

*blink*

Part of me gets really heated when I hear shit like that. I don’t even know what that means. I mean I’m not at all, at least consciously, desiring to live a life ruled by the negative thoughts that enter my head, or the things I feel I’m lacking. Why would anyone want that? Trust me, I DON’T want to be in this space…I just don’t know how to move past those thoughts, or shrug them off completely, when they hit me. So I just stop moving and shut down. Again, my friend stepped in to tell me about myself, and smack some sense into me…

“You would rather deal with these feelings than the fear of the unknown. If you let that bullshit go, the only thing left are your goals and it scares you. You’re working for your best friend. At your own pace/schedule…on something you’ve always wanted. And you’re not having a good day? MAN UP!

BTW…no one knows how to reach their goals. This is where safety ends and faith begins. Faith without works is dead…having faith and waiting [around for ish to happen] does nothing  :-)”

Umm, Will…your lack of faith is showing!

I had such strong faith when I was a kid/teenager. But then again, what I was facing then is nothing in comparison to what I’m facing now. New blessings, new demons, as they say. I’m seeing that in order to overcome them, my faith must be stretched. In fact, that’s why these newer, stronger demons (negative thoughts, lack of confidence, etc.) exist in the first place…to strengthen my faith, as well as to help me grow and put me closer and closer to reaching my dreams.

I was pointed (by my aforementioned friend…you know who you are and I HEART YOU!) to a few scriptures that really shed some light on the subject of stretched faith and staying strongs in times of difficulty:

“James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations. Greetings.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom [if you don't know what you're doing], he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

James 1:1-5 (NIV)

This one was also sort of mind-blowing:

“…and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

Romans 5:2-5 (NIV)

So basically, Will, everything happens for a reason; and it’s all to make you a stronger, better person…the person of greatness and success you were meant, no, CREATED to be. Shut up and do the work; trust God and allow yourself to be molded; and watch the life of your dreams appear right before your eyes. But you must [continue to] do the work.

I take my leave from this post with one final quote:

“You gotta do what you HAVE to do, in order to do what you WANT to do”

~Denzel Washington

“…and what you WANT to do will be revealed by your doing what you HAVE to do!”

~Will McNair, in expectant gratitude

Consider me schooled.

If I’m being honest with myself, I’m working at about 40-50% of what I KNOW I can accomplish. I know I am capable of putting way more energy into the opportunities I’ve been given, and the work that I’ve been called to do. I could turn some shit out…I just know I can! And, really, this goes for every area of my life- my work life, my social life, my blog life, my health & diet life…everything! I am blessed to have a job that most people would kill for; and though I don’t at all think I’m wasting this opportunity, I know I could be kicking its ass, as opposed to playfully slapping it around.

So, what do I do? How do I fix this? I’m not looking to take on, say, Beyonce’s work ethic (that bitch crazy); but I definitely want to cultivate a healthy, strong work ethic that will lead to the life, lifestyle and accomplishments of my dreams. Every person whom I have ever considered a hero and/or inspiration  (Oprah, Will Smith, Beyonce, Ryan Seacrest) has ALWAYS given their all to their work, and played the game of life at 100%, if not 110%. I have to do the same. I suppose it all simmers down to owning my work and making the necessary sacrifices to get it done. I’m troubled that I haven’t yet found my passion, but I realize that it won’t be found if I sit idly doing nothing. The work that I’m doing now will lead me to the work that inspires and fuels me beyond understanding. Everything to that point is practice and education; so it makes sense that I must play at 100% now, in order to prepare me for being able to handle that passion once it is revealed to me.

What does this all mean? Basically, bitch Will…get’cho ass up at 8 instead of 9:30/10:00; get off the blogs (unless it’s your own) and get on those scripts-n-shit; put down those potato chips and pick up a damn carrot; and stop waiting for success to find you. Hunt that heifer down like she was a former lover who massacred you & everybody in the sanctuary at your wedding rehearsal, and u want sweet-ass muthaf*ckin’ revenge!

Plan your work, then work your plan…period! You have too much to do, and too high to soar to be standing by idly. Make the sacrifices and get to work! That is all.

As you can see, I gained a bit of weight; but as an update, I got an accurate measurement of my waist. It’s 34 inches, not 36. I’m claiming that as a weight loss victory. So there.

This week, I’m back to watching what and how much I eat. I’ve got a goal, dammit, and I fully intend on meeting it! My workouts are about to get kicked up a notch, too, since my trainer introduced [Kirby Fit] TRX Suspension Training to our workout last Thursday.

Y’all…this training system is NO JOKE! Straight from the military, it is made from the same stuff they use to make parachute straps, and is a portable full body workout. You hang it from the ceiling [or the top of a jungle gym if you're into the outdoor prison yard workout], and you use your own body weight and, of course, gravity to do hundreds of different exercises; all of which will leave you sore and feeling like you enlisted in bootcamp for the U.S. Navy Seals!

I must admit, I LOVE this training system! I’m someone who doesn’t like to work out; and I’m really not much of a fan of weight training. Anytime there is an added element of fun to take my mind off of actually working out, I’m happy. The TRX system is just plain fun! Sure it was one of the hardest workouts I’ve ever done, and if you don’t know what you’re doing you could break everything; but I really felt like a kid swinging, swaying, pulling and pushing my way toward a new body.

My trainer, Kirby Fit (previously known as “Non-Invasive Lipo Administrator”), is in love with TRX training, and has planned on almost fully integrating it into our workouts. I’m really excited! It’s hard to get in the swing of things, so to speak, as it requires a healthy dose of balance, but it’s a great fucking workout. I’m about to be sore as hell, but I know it’ll be worth it. And I know I’m gonna want one for myself soon, for the times when I’m not meeting with a trainer.

My workouts, and the “Fat-fetus Begone” Challenge, just got a lot more interesting and difficult; but more importantly…they’ve gotten much more fun!

Don, in an interview with the New York Times, voiced his truth about being black gay man and how difficult it is to come out as such, considering how negatively the African-American community views homosexuality:

“People are going to say: ‘Oh, he was molested as a kid and now he is coming out.’ I get it.[...]I’m scared. I’m talking about something that people might shun me for, ostracize me for.”

“It’s quite different for an African-American male. It’s about the worst thing you can be in black culture. You’re taught you have to be a man; you have to be masculine. In the black community they think you can pray the gay away.[...]You’re afraid that black women will say the same things they do about how black men should be dating black women. I guess this makes me a double minority now.”

“I think it would be great if everybody could be out, but it’s such a personal choice. People have to do it at their own speed. I respect that. I do have to say that the more people who come out, the better it is for everyone, certainly for the Tyler Clementis [the Rutgers student who committed suicide after being outed on the internet] of the world.[...]I abhor hypocrisy. I think if you’re going to be in the business of news, and telling people the truth, of trying to shed light in dark places, then you’ve got to be honest. You’ve got to have the same rules for yourself as you do for everyone else.[...]I think if I had seen more people like me who are out and proud, it wouldn’t have taken me 45 years to say it ….to walk in the truth.”

This is friggin’ awesome!! Now, I don’t wanna be that guy who walks around saying “more black gay celebrities NEED to come out and be an example for the rest of us”– the weight of that flag-waving responsibility should not fall on any one person. However, to Don’s point, IT CERTAINLY HELPS!! The black community has a long way to go when it comes to accepting, or even tolerating, their gay brothers and sisters. In my opinion, this is largely due to religious beliefs, but also because of the stereotypes that are continuously perpetuated in the media about black gay men (and women). We’re either limp-wristed, feminine sissies, or down low adulterers. I don’t know about you, but I’m NEITHER one of those stereotypes. And neither is Don; which makes this particular “celebrity outing” all the more important and impactful. Don is an intelligent, sophisticated, well-spoken, and, dammit, phyne! black man who just happens to be gay.

I can’t even begin to tell you how happy this news makes me! As more black men and women come out, the definition of who we are expands; which will in turn foster understanding, acceptance, and, eventually, appreciation among our own people. In my opinion, Don Lemon’s coming out is a HUGE step in that direction.

Thank you, Don, for voicing your truth. I know it was a difficult choice, and there are now concerns about how this news will be taken by the masses; but from the bottom of my heart–and I’d imagine thousands of young black gay men across the country–THANK YOU!

Don’s memoir titled “Transparent” will be available for purchase in June. You can read his coming out letter at Monsters & Critics.

Yesterday, I celebrated my 32nd birthday! It was quiet and relaxed–not as exciting as I had hoped–but it was indeed a good day.

I spent the day at home catching up on some DVR recordings and doing some reflecting. Bought myself a DELICIOUS strawberry shortcake from Juniors, took myself out to my favorite restaurant, and spent the evening with my friend Brandon, bar-hopping in Chelsea. It wasn’t the best birthday ever; but at the end of the day, I realize how truly blessed I am, and for that, I’m grateful!

I sit on the precipice of a new year of life feeling very optimistic. I believe 32 will be the best year of my life to date. For one, 32 is my favorite number. It has been since elementary school, and has always stuck with me [it's a really corny story...I'll tell you later]. Second, I’m excited about this year because of where I am in my life. I’ve got a great job that allows me to really create each and every day as I see fit, and it offers an obscene amount of growth opportunity. And then there’s my mental/physical space. Though I still very much so struggle with insecurity and  a lack of confidence/self-esteem, these days I’m really putting effort to facing them head-on and overcoming those issues. Plus, this “Fat-fetus Begone Challenge” is helping me to view myself and my life through different eyes. I want to be better…in every capacity of my life; and that’s the first step to making change happen.

I don’t know what’s in store for me this year, but I REALLY feel like something amazing is brewing and will manifest itself at any moment. It’s clear to me that I have to rise to the challenge of life–now more than ever–in order to make things pop off like I want them to. From getting my body together and working harder in my career, to recognizing my value and living my life accordingly, I’m burning my little boy britches and stepping into a fresh, sexy pair of man-panties. Life is for the taking, and I’m about to ride “32″ til the cows come home. Watch me work…watch me LIVE!!