Last week was one of the most productive and enjoyable weeks I’ve had in a really long time. It was one of those weeks where I found myself singing, “Oh, what a beautiful morning” as I skipped out the door heading to work each day. Everything was going my way!

At the start of this week, however, my song had turned into a quiet hum; and my skip, a lazy gangsta lean. “What happened…where’d it all go,” I found myself thinking? As it turns out, the excitement I cultivated last week fled with the lack of productivity I settled for over the past few days. I didn’t do shit this weekend except be lazy and have fun with friends. I neglected and avoided work at all costs. As enjoyable as that was, by the end of the day yesterday, I was back in the sulky “what am I doing with my life” mood of 2 weeks ago, having forgotten that I do have a purpose, a goal, and a task to complete.

Not feeling too well this morning, I took a sick day and decided to do some work. I have a script due tomorrow that I’ve been avoiding writing because, well, I’ve never done it before and don’t know what I’m doing, or if I’ll be any good at it. You know…the usual complaints that keep me from working. I hesitantly turned on my computer and returned to the script this afternoon; and 2 hours later I was running around my apartment, animatedly acting out scenes in my underwear, fueled by the anticipation of seeing my words come to life. The excitement, energy and productivity of last week had returned!

I realized that, quite simply, if you do the work, the excitement will come. The work itself is a motivator; especially if it involves doing something that can and will lead you to fulfilling a dream. I implore you to think about the work you’ve been avoiding as it relates to your goals and dreams. Sure, it can at times seem incredibly daunting and/or boring; but the truth is, you gotta do what you have to do in order to do what you want to do. And what we all have to do, is work. Performing the tasks laid out in front of you could very well be all the motivation you need to keep your passion alive, and return excitement to the monotony of your day, and your life. So…let’s get to it, shall we? Yes, lets!

I went online to search for a recipe- one that most closely resembled the movie. A quick search for “Julie and Julia Bruschetta” garnered a multitude of results, but one in particular, on a blog called “Crooked Tiara,” turned out to be the jackpot. She, too, had the same desire to cook this meal, and was kind enough to share, from her research, the ACTUAL recipe from the movie, made by food stylist Susan Spungen. It’s an extremely simple dish to make:

“Food stylist Susan Spungen developed this bruschetta recipe for a scene in the movie “Julie and Julia”. Here are the directions in Spungen’s words, which she sent via e-mail. As with any dish with just a few simple ingredients, the quality of the ingredients and technique are key.

Start with some excellent bread. This is crucial. Choose a rustic loaf with a stretchy interior with lots of holes and a crisp crust. If it’s a round loaf, cut it into slices about 3/4 inch thick, and then cut those slices in half on an angle.

For the movie, we fried the bread in olive oil but I usually grill or toast it in a hot oven (400°). Either way, try to get it crunchy on the outside while retaining some softness in the center.

Rub the bread with a whole garlic clove (the garlic will disintegrate into the bread since the coarse bread will act like a grater) and drizzle with the best extra-virgin olive oil you can afford. Sprinkle with kosher salt and freshly ground pepper. And then either fry or grill.

Meanwhile, cut tomatoes into chunks, tear lots of basil leaves into medium-small pieces, and toss with more olive oil. Let marinate for a while.

Season with salt and pepper about a half hour before serving. The salt makes the tomatoes release their juices and you don’t want that happening too soon.

Top bread with tomato mixture. If the bread is really crunchy, let the tomatoes sit for a few minutes before serving to soften the bread.”

(recipe taken from Philly.com via Crooked Tiara)

I went down to Trader Joes for the best bread I could find (I chose a Cipriani loaf), and then headed to the good ole Super Foodtown for the rest. Hightailing it home, I could barely contain my excitement! I chopped up the Tomatos, tore the Basil, cut up a bit of garlic (mmmm…garlic) and mixed it all together bathed in olive oil!

When it came time to prepare the bread, I went along with Crooked Tiara’s suggestion of frying the bread in a small pool of olive oil instead of brushing the oil on the bread. This did require a considerable amount more of olive oil, but in the end, it was sooo worth it!

I remembered in the movie that Julie and her husband seemed to be eating some kind of sausage with their bruschetta, so I grabbed some Sweet Italian Sausages from the market and put them in the oven to go with my meal.

The end result was a balanced meal that damn near sent me to the moon. I opened a bottle of wine, put on a movie, and WENT IN on my Tomato & Basil Bruschetta with Italian Sausages (if you say that last part like Hyacinth Bucket, it’s even more exciting)! The scene wasn’t cute…at all! I took the first bite very elegant and sophisticated-like, but once all the juices and flavors hit my taste buds, it was a wrap. I ate that ish like it was a plate of baby back ribs, you hear me?! Remnants of basil and oil all over my face! It was glorious!

I highly suggest, to anyone who loves to cook and is looking for something quick and easy to make for dinner, that you go immediately prepare this lovely meal for yourself. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed!

Surfing through my Facebook friend’s statuses this evening, I came across this video, courtesy of an acquaintance of mine, that just made me feel so very good! Let’s see if you get as excited as I did when I watched it…

Ok, a little tidbit about me. I LOVE me some Hocus Pocus…and I LIVE for this scene!! I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve sat on my couch- watching this movie, and pranced around my living room- acting  and singing out this scene! Truth be told, if I had the balls (and thought that people would actually “get it”) I’d soooo dress up as Winnifred Sanderson for Halloween.

Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker will forever have a special place in my heart because of this movie. You made the last year of Jr. High, and the rest of my life, so much more bearable. Really! So tonight, I  take a sip from my beverage, raise my head to the heavens, and  pay thankful homage to these 3 awesome women, the creators of Hocus Pocus, and the writer of  the song, “I Put A Spell On You”- which only my stuffed animals have ever (and will ever) see me perform.

Good Job, Jesus! This was an awesome movie!

In the 1989  Hollywood blockbuster, Back To The Future II, Marty McFly and Doc Emmet Brown traveled far ahead to the year 2008. What they encountered was a futuristic world, that included all kinds of nifty gadgets and toys- most notably, the hoverboard.

The hoverboard is a multi-neon colored, skateboard-like toy that defies gravity by flying! I wanted a hoverboard so freakin’ bad, y’all don’t even know! From the first time I saw that movie I knew I had to have a hoverboard. Sure, I couldn’t skateboard worth a damn, but that didn’t matter. The thing could FLY! I would have been perfectly content lying on my stomach or back, whizzing down Crenshaw Blvd. on my hoverboard. This “invention” had me looking forward to 2008 like nobody’s business!

Alas, 2008 came and went, and I have yet to lay myself upon the glory that is the hoverboard. Scientists and Hollywood have let me down immensely. And now, I have to deal with tales of space tethers and outer-space vacations, while my own dreams of defying gravity remain tarnished, unaccomplished and damn near forgotten. Effin’ scientists!

And does this entry count as #4? You betta believe it!

It all started last Tuesday. I went to my weekly prayer meeting, Touch and Agree, in a rather solemn mood. I felt as though my life was at a stand-still. Sure, there were things- bits of opportunity- sort of buzzing around me; but I couldn’t sum up the interest or desire to grab something and run with it. I know-that I know-that I know that I’m created for greatness and success in this world, but I wasn’t sure how, or in what capacity. That was causing me to doubt and have concern for my life. The overwhelming response I got from my T&A fam was to be encouraged, talk to God about what I’m going through, and ask for clarity as to what HE wants me to do and where HE wants me to go. They introduced me to Psalm 16:11 which says:

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (MSG)

I left the meeting thanking God for these people he’s brought into my life, and asking him to help me see-give me clarity on- what I’m supposed to be doing. I wanted to be excited about my life again.

Cut to the weekend: I attended a party at a good friend’s house on Friday, at which I was teeming with ideas–that came out of nowhere– for a project that we’ve recently begun working on. I mean, I could not stop vomiting ideas. Million dollar ideas, too! I rested up a bit on Saturday, but for the rest of the weekend, I found myself overwhelmed with the drive to work. I put Friday’s ideas down on paper, began planning the next 6 months of the venture with my friend, got my blog writing back together, re-designed my vision board, and began working on a script. All the while jumping around my apartment in excitement, thanking God for answering my prayer. By the time I went to bed on Sunday, I KNEW– and, like, knew that I knew that I knew–exactly what I’m supposed to be doing at this stage of my life.

Monday, another friend of mine had a birthday party. It was there I ran into 2 acquaintances, who I hadn’t seen in YEARS! Both of them had been influential to me- one for her exuberant take on life and overall fabulousness, and the other for her drive and discipline in the area of financial wealth and stability. It was through meeting them, years ago, that I started learning to budget my money and began creating a career and financially stable life for myself (although, admittedly, that sort of fell apart when I lost my job 2 years ago). When I saw them at the party, I literally started screaming! I told them how inspired I’d been by them, and they updated me on the events of their lives. One is now journeying into home-ownership and the other, increasing her career and wealth- teaching her friends how to do the same. Before I knew it, I was being educated on the tricks of buying a home and introduced to the advanced level of budgeting and financial independence. Believing that there’s a reason and a plan for everything,  I left that party feeling very grand, with an overall sensation that my life is really about to change…toward something amazing!

Then, today, while engaged in my morning bathroom routine, God said, “Don’t forget to email ‘Tracy’ and ‘Terry’ about the information they mentioned on Monday.” I was like, yes, Lord for your beautiful reminders! I emailed the ladies this morning, and am now being sent all kinds of links and spreadsheets, offers of advice, and encouraging exclamations of the great things that are about to happen in my life given this new information, goal and journey.

Excitedly overwhelmed by all that is happening this week, all I can do at this moment is say, Thank You, Jesus! You’re up to somethin’, dude. Whatever it is, keep it comin’! I’m ready and willing. I thank you and I trust you! Let’s do this!

A friend of mine had a birthday party this evening; at which I surprisingly (and tipsily) mingled and networked like I never have before. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the current grind and ascension mode I find myself in these days, but I was really ON tonight!

I met a handful of people, with whom I engaged in a variety of both comical and profound conversations, that I really hope to see and talk to again! Some of the conversations I had tonight were truly amazing (don’t ask me to repeat them in this, my drunken stupor), and, really, right on time in terms of where my life sits at the moment.

The only problem was…well, it was two-fold. For one, I keep forgetting to get the contact information of the people I meet. I met, and engaged in awesome dialogue, with several people tonight. Some asked to exchange contact information, because they wanted to continue our conversation; but I only gave them my personal business card- forgetting to get their information for myself. I really need to get better at the whole exchange. Most of the time I just dug up and handed out my card quickly because I was so wrapped into what we were discussing. Which leads me to point number two: I think I may talk or talk about myself too much. I’m not entirely sure of this- it may just be insecurity, my mind or the alcohol talking- but, sometimes, I get the sense that I’m speaking too much in order to make a point.

Please believe me when I say that this is not intentional. I assure you! I’ll be the first to admit that my insecurities play a big part in hindering the “success” of my social interaction- which, at times, lead me to manipulate conversation; but more often than not, my attempts at opening a dialogue with someone comes from a heartfelt and pure source. At any social event, the question, “so, what do you do?” inevitably arises, at which point most of us tend to pretend as if what we do is what we actually want to be doing,  if you catch my drift. You can, many times, see clearly, the disdain people have for their jobs. It is the avoidance of discussing or even mentioning what they really want to do that sends me into, I guess, what is Will-mode- which, for some equates to arrogance and/or being preachy.

When encountering less-than excited [read: defeated] answers to such a question, most of the time, my response comes from a place of trying to propel my conversation companion to the next level of his or her life. Or, after perusing their thoughts and using personal example, I look to assist them in identifying what it is they really want, as opposed to encouraging complacency with what it is they’ve settled for. On some minute level, yes, I do want to make an impression on them and want them to remember me. But on the whole, I really just want to help them grow as individuals. That’s my thing! Regardless of all the mundane and trivial tasks of our day-to-day lives, we all have something- living deep within us- that represents what we aspire to do and to be. I know I spend a lot of time trying to find that thing and figure it out. I can’t help it if I wish to help others find success in that area of their lives as well.

If we are all here, and aspire to live the lives that our creator purposed us for, why do we discount, push aside or ignore those people here on earth who just want to see us grow and evolve?

I’m not trying to talk your ear off, lecture, or bore you. I’m just trying to help…and motivate you. Really.

As per Genesis 2:2- “And on the seventh day, he rested” (I’m paraphrasing), I am doing whatever the hell I want today! Fortunately for me, I am in a productive spirit. I am currently sitting on my couch, enjoying the peaceful sounds of raindrops falling on my Bed-Stuy Street, browsing the internet, watching porn and, well…writing this blog post (I’m gettin’ my new template, dammit!). Here is a space in which I haven’t been in a very long time. And I’m loving it!

* * * * * * * * * *

Anyway, my gMail just led me to a profile I have on a gay networking and dating site. I haven’t been here in a while and, truth be told, I almost forgot it existed. My profile inbox had one solitary message, which I excitedly opened:

Umm…did he say, “Your beauty is beyond Description?” I don’t even know how to take that! Part of me thinks he’s just blowing smoke up my ass to get me to reply to him, but there’s a piece of me that wonders if this is how he really feels. And if so, do I really believe that of myself enough to consider it a serious display of affection? The truth is I don’t. Not completely, anyway. I saw this message as a joke- partially because it’s really over-the-top, but also because who would ever think such things of me? This latter concern is a problem!

I have fantasies of my dream guy wooing and courting me into his life with verbal and physical tokens of his affection, because to him, I’m “the one;” I am his everything. It’s a beautiful story that I can’t wait to share, one day, with my children and grandchildren. But it won’t happen if I don’t believe I’m worthy.

I couldn’t get past this thought, so I had to write about it. It looks like I’ve got more “loving myself” work to do. I’m going to sit with this for a minute.

I know I’ve said this a bazillion times, but it’s time for me to get myself together and start acting like the successful, intelligent, ambitions and driven entrepreneur that I am. I’m not working nearly as hard as I should–meeting God half-way so that he may bless and ascend me to newer, more successful heights–and it is time for me to start participating in my own career. I need to start making things happen for myself. So, I’ve come up with a little challenge.

I want to get back into my writing- especially on this blog, and I want to start making some career and confidence-building moves in my life. There’s a part of  me that feels like a new blog design will help me to write and work more; but I have not yet worked for, nor do I deserve at this point, a new sleek and sexy design. Enter the Get Yo’ Shit Together, Will blog challenge. My next paycheck (my first as an official, non-temporary employee) comes on August 31st. If, by that date, I write and post 6 or more new blog entries, I will reward myself, and you, reader (if anyone still reads this thing anymore), with a new blog design. Sounds like a cool deal to me.

Can I do it? Will I rise to the challenge to create a better me and a sleeker Evolution Of A Man website? We’ll see…but I’m thinkin’, “YES! HELL YES!”

The lesson I’m learning in my life right now is one of forgiveness. Back in January, a “friend” of mine decided he no longer wanted to be friends with me, and he cut me out of his life (note the “God Shook My Tree” post below). In my opinion, he did so hasitly and as an excuse to not have to hold himself accountable for the things he said, did and/or promised to me. Regardless, for 5 long and hard months, I was faced with re-building the life that I had lost– having given most of it to him– and really putting in effort to getting to know myself and realizing my own true worth and value. As a result of such work, I became a stronger person with a more sturdy foundation and sense of self. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m far from where I once was.

In May, this “friend” returned with hugs and laughter- promising to make amends and move forward in a new, better direction of friendship. While he never apologized for his actions, and in fact got upset that I brought up my trepidation for letting him back into my life again, he, in a small way, did fess up to, for lack of a better phrase, having been a dick earlier this year; but he never really took full responsibility for his actions. Wanting us to be better friends, I let him back into my life.

All was well and good until a few weeks ago when, while we were hanging out at my apartment watching the BET Awards, he abruptly got up from the couch, said he had to go, and left. Earlier, we had a weird discussion and slight disagreement over something insipid, but we squashed it quickly and moved on with our night. Or so I thought. I have no clue what turned after that convo, but he got real quiet, and, about 15 minutes later, as I was cooking dinner, he got up and said, “I’m not going to be able to stay…I have to go do something.” As he was leaving, I questioned if it was something I did and asked what happened. He kept repeating, unconvincingly, “No, I’m fine. It’s ok.” I asked one last time as he exited the front door, and he looked at me with cold eyes and very sternly said, “I’M FINE” and walked away. For two days I texted, emailed, called and facebooked him asking him what happened. I seriously had (and still have) no idea what I may have said or done that caused him to act this way or if I even did anything at all. I’d gotten not one response from any of my communication and after a few days, I reluctantly called it quits alltogether.

Someone in my prayer group last week encouraged me to adopt the practice of forgiveness in this situation. I’d been scratching my head trying to figure out what happened. My “friend” was updating facebook with statuses about evil people hiding behind Jesus, how he’s tried to be a good friend to undeserving people, and other statements where he used God to uplift himself and renounce others. I found myself getting, once again, very resentful and hurt by him. My prayer group told me about forgiveness and how necessary it is in order to move on. Forgiveness, while difficult and slow to do, is not for the other person who wronged you, but it is for you. I’m so angry at my “friend,” but really, I’m angry at myself for allowing this to happen AGAIN! I left the prayer meeting determined to forgive him and let him go. The advice was to keep telling myself that I forgive him and let God do the rest. Enough is enough and I need to move on.

The next morning in the shower I came up with this little affirmation that I now find myself repeating whenever my “friend’ comes into my head. I’m almost astonished at how well and how quickly it works to calm me down, help me to forgive and forget, and allow me to move on with my life. Sure, I have to say it like 1,000 a day, but it’s helping me to focus on other parts of my life and myself that are, frankly, way more important. I’ve heard it said before, but it really is true… forgiveness is the way to healing!

I don’t know if my “friend” will reappear again (he’s done this twice before, only to come back 1-5 months later acting as if nothing’s happened), but if he does, I really need remind myself that I forgive him and I love him, but he’s not healthy for me. As for the future, when we’ve both grown up and past all this, who knows. But for right now, I have to move forward.

I forgive you
I love you
And I let you go!