Evolution of a Mancombining the profound and the inane.

This is 2010, right?!?

will on July 2nd, 2010

The fact that this dude on Grindr said this to me is just…

Tags: thats racist!
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Pen & Paper

will on July 1st, 2010

Pen & Paper

It’s the most basic form of writing there is. It’s use has been around for centuries. It’s how the classics were written; and now, as my only form of writing since my computer died, it’s how I will write my book, “Evolution Of A Man.”

On Tuesday at “Touch and Agree,” my weekly prayer meeting, the topic of my book came up- primarily why I haven’t been writing and finishing it. There are 2 reasons for this. First, I’ve been feeling kinda irrelevant. Like, who am I to write a book and be listened to? What can be so compelling about me that people would actually take interest? That theory was quickly shut down as I was reminded that God planted the seed of writing this book in my head and so He wants it done. I have a voice, and who knows who my words will touch and what impact they will have. All I have to do is write. God will handle the rest.

The second reason I stopped writing is because my computer crashed several times over the last year. At first the techs and I thought it was a hard-drive issue, but as it turns out, it’s the motherboard. I could just pay for a new motherboard, but it costs so much that I might as well get a new computer. Regardless, I have NO money; so neither is really an option. At this, one of the girls from my prayer group looked at me, smiled, and said, sternly but sweetly, “handwrite it!” At first mention I thought “hell naw! Do you know how many pages that is?!?” But then she said it again, this time with a shrug of her shoulder: “yes, handwrite it!” She reminded me that that’s how books were actually written before computers existed, and she shared that that is how all of her college papers were written. It’s an undeniable method of classic writing greatness, yes; so convincing me to take on this new approach didn’t take long at all.

“Evolution Of A Man” is a journal, coupled with a few literary surprises here and there. Although it may have, and continues to live as a blog online, it really is only fitting that it be written out by hand. It’s the most authentic and simple form of writing there is; and given the personal nature of the material, there is something to be said about taking a intimately personal approach to the writing. I have a bunch of new ideas for the book; and for the first time in a long time, after not having even touched it in a year, I find myself excited about re-writing this piece of work, putting my blood, sweat and tears into pages of paper, and crafting something heartfelt, original, and most importantly, inspiring for the people who choose to embark on my journey.

I went out yesterday and bought a booklet in which to begin writing. I felt all 21st century as it’s made of organic, recyclable paper. My Berkeley professors would be proud, lol. I will begin the task of transcribing what has already been written and incorporating my new ideas tomorrow, if not this evening.

While I am still a bit fearful of my relevance, I truly believe that what I’ve experienced and what I have to say will be inspiring, helpful and motivating to others. I’ve been called to write this book, and write this book I shall. I’m excited about getting back in a creative space and writing again. It’s been a very long time, and my spirit needs rejuvenating. So with pen and paper in hand, I begin draft #4 of “Evolution Of A Man!”

Tags: book, handwriting, paper, pen, writing
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God shook my tree!

will on January 20th, 2010

The inevitable, and unfortunately necessary has finally happened!

Earlier this month on Twitter, PR agent extraordinaire, Marvet Britto (@MarvetBritto for all you Twitter fans) tweeted that a great practice for entering 2010 would be to pray and ask God to shake your tree- getting rid of anyone or anything in our lives that keeps you from moving forward and ascending to your promised destiny. Now, I didn’t pray this prayer, but God decided to shake my tree anyway.

There is a person in my life who I care for very deeply, but who has, in my opinion, not been a very good friend to me. We have had some really great times together, but he has taken more than he has given- leaving me feeling used and unappreciated. On the flip side, I have pressured him and tried to make him into someone he is not for my satisfaction- making me less than a stellar homeboy, myself. Friends and family have repeatedly told and asked me to delete him from my life, but having grown far too attached and attracted to him- making him my whole life- I refused, no matter how many times he may have disappointed me or abused my friendship and generosity.

This past weekend, things came to a head between us, and we had an argument over something stupid and, really, meaningless; but it highlighted many very problematic issues within our friendship. In the end, he said he was done and, after first pleading with him to work it out, I eventually came to the same conclusion. I don’t want to let him go, but I know I need and have to. Having made him such a big piece and focus of my life, I have blocked a great deal of positive people, blessings, circumstances, and opportunities from coming into my life. I truly care for him, but I understand that our friendship has run it’s course, and we both need to move on.

I take from this experience many lessons. For starters, I have learned that I cannot buy friendship, or love. It was not my intention to do so, but the nature and progression of our friendship led me to believe that I could. I manipulated him by giving of my finances in an effort to keep him around; and he manipulated me by making promises he had no intention of keeping- just to keep me (and my pockets) around. We stood on a shaky foundation of friendship that we ourselves built, but could not level or balance. We were both wrong, but I should have known better. The second thing I learned is that I can’t always trust what people say. There are some who will promise you things and say things to you just to appease you in the moment and get what they want; but will forget their words almost immediately when their needs have been taken care of; and will never hold themselves accountable for their words or actions. I learned that it is up to me to recognize when I’m being played and respond accordingly. That’s all I have to say about that. Third, I learned that it is really important for me to start saying what I mean and mean what I say, instead of just saying what is easier and simple. I tend to run from confrontation and as a result of not speaking my heart, I end up getting trampled on and taken advantage of. I need to grow some balls and stand strong in my feelings and opinions. The last lesson (or at least the last I will share) is that I learned that pressuring people to do something- regardless of whether they’ve suggested, offered or promised it to you or not- will eventually drive them away. Amidst the repeated assurance that “It’ll happen…just be patient and let it happen naturally,” and “you’re one of my best friends. I love you…I got your back,” that occurred over the course of 3 years, I grew impatient and added pressure to get what I wanted as he was already getting what he wanted time and time again. Eventually, we both got fed up… he of the pressure I put on him, and me of the empty promises and wallet. In the future, I need to evaluate and assess my motives before giving of myself, and be patient with what I am promised, expected or wish to receive in return. I learned these lessons the incredibly hard way, but as a result, they are lessons I will never forget.

Now that we have parted ways, I have some soul-searching to do. In all this, I realize that I can do much better for myself and, more importantly, I deserve much better! I lost my power, amongst other things, in this friendship- I gave it to him… he had it all. It’s time for me to regain it all back. God has shaken my tree, and a few apples have fallen- giving me the opportunity to regrow stronger branches, and bear more nourishing, healthier fruit. Though it plagues me to realize, I need to spend some time alone- me, myself, and I- to come back to the middle and determine what it is I truly want and need. God is with me and he invited this to happen so that he and I could become closer, and I could get back on track to do the work he has placed in me to do. I struggle with wanting to chase after this guy and attempt to mend our friendship, but I must stay strong. I have so much more to do with my life, and it is imperative that I change my focus in order to ascend to my destiny and a life of fulfilling success and happiness.

I will always care for and love him, and I wish him well; but I must take the lessons he and this friendship have taught me and let him go. I’m incredibly saddened that our friendship had to end at all, let alone on a negative note, but as he’s repeatedly suggested I do, I have to do me. And so, with a bruised heart, ego, and spirit, I’m taking his advice, thanking God for the blessing of the experience and freedom, and doing what is necessary for and beneficial for me and my future. It’s gonna be hard as hell (it already is), but I know I’ll make it through just fine.

When one door closes, another opens. But before I walk through, I’ve got to take a long, hard look at myself. God has shaken my tree, and now, laced with more pearls of wisdom, my evolution continues…

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I promise I’ll write something soon…

will on January 18th, 2010

I’m going through a bit of a dry writing spell. I will be back in full effect soon; I promise. Stay with me, y’all. Hahahahaha

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Chocolate Gooey Butter Cookies!

will on January 18th, 2010

When life gets you down, do something you love. It’ll spark you right back up.

Tags: chocolate gooey butter cookies, cooking, doing something you love, hobbies, live your best life, oprah, paula deen
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Happy 2010!

will on January 10th, 2010

I’m taking my time settling into this new year and what it is I’d like to work on and accomplish for myself. These are 3 of the things I have in mind:

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Happy Thanksgiving!

will on November 26th, 2009

When I woke up this morning, I had no idea how I was going to celebrate Thanksgiving. I had 4 open invitations to dinner, but I was indecisive about where I actually wanted to go. I sat on my couch watching the parade wondering if that was all I’d end up doing today. Then I took a shower and my day suddenly came alive. While lathering up- gettin’ so fresh and clean- something inside me said, “Wait…don’t you love to cook? Isn’t this one of your favorite holidays because of the food? Why aren’t you cooking?” I thought to myself, “YEAH” as I rinsed off. Cooking is one of my favorite pastimes. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be standing over a pot dishing up my favorites for dinner. I immediately went right into action- creating a menu of my favorite things and hittin’ the grocery store. And then, I started cooking my ass off!

I made Cornish hens stuffed with wild rice & sausage, candied yams, greens, ham, cornbread, and sweet potato pie. I went in; and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I really love cooking, and it was very nice to spend those few hours in the kitchen connecting with a passion while thanking God for all he has done for me. I invited over a couple friends who otherwise wouldn’t have really had a Thanksgiving dinner and we feasted abundantly. The greens came out a little salty (twas my first attempt at making them), but everything was still really good- at least to my taste.

I have so much to be thankful for this year. For starters, I have my life and my health. The past week has been rough after having a slight medical episode last Friday; and it only made me realize how precious life is and how we should cherish and maintain our health and each moment we are given. I’ve vowed to start taking better care of myself- exercising more, eating better, and watching what and how much I put into my body.

Additionally, I’m surrounded by family and friends whom I love and who love me; and for that I am truly grateful. Somtimes we forget about the love that surrounds us. We all have people in our lives who care about us and love us to death. I, for one, am going to make a better effort to show my appreciation for those people on a more regular basis.

Finally, I am grateful and thankful for all that I do have and all that I am. I may not be who or were I want to be, but I am constantly growing and am leaps and bounds past who and where I once was. It’s only by the grace of God that I’m allowed to lead such a joyful life- even though I may not always view it as such- and I am so thankful for all he has given and offered me. I really do live a great life. It’s high time I start recognizing that for real.

As I begin to look to 2010 I’m really pinpointing the things that I want to work on and accomplish. I want to be more patient and live for the journey as opposed to the destination. Much of 2009 was lost for me out of my concentrating on and complaining about where I wanted to be instead of appreciating the process of getting there. I also want to start acknowledging myself more- stop puttin’ myself down so much and start giving myself credit for all that I accomplish, small and tremendous. I also want to foster better relationships with my family and friends. I don’t get along very well with my family. I’ve secluded myself from them because I’ve always felt uncomfortable around them. I’m hoping to change that.

All of this will take work. Hard work. I’m a stubborn individual, who lives an incredibly structured life; and it’s gonna take a lot for me to relax, stop taking life so seriously and enjoy the journey, while pushing myself out of my comfort zone to create the life of my dreams. I’m dedicated to not live in my 30’s as I did my 20’s. I’m thankful for the clarity this year has brought me, and I’m looking forward to the challenge that lies ahead. I realize now that it’s up to me to make this growth happen. Not anyone else.

I hope you all had an enjoyable turkey day and will take the time to reflect and be thankful for all that you have and all that you are. Lots of love, hugs and kisses to you! Happy Thanksgiving!

Read More Comments (0) Favorite Things, Spending Time With God, The Evolution

Shits & Giggles

will on November 17th, 2009

There are many people who have a serious problem with using a public restroom. For most it’s a sanitary issue- public potties aren’t the most pristine of environments. For others, as is the case with me, they don’t exactly allow for much privacy, and can make the experience more stressful than it needs to be.

Now, I don’t have a problem per se about using a public toilet; but in doing so, I take many a factor into consideration. I had to laugh at myself recently after departing from a rather amusing trip to the bathroom at work. It all started, as it often does, with that familiar, post-lunch, nudge from my intestines- signaling to my body and my mind that an evacuation was about to take place…whether I wanted it or not.

I walked quickly to the restroom, taking notice of any other males in the vicinity- either going in or coming out. The coast was clear, so I casually sauntered in- so as to give the appearance of a number 1 voyage- but sprinted to the nearest stall once I was inside. Luckily, I had the place to myself…for the moment. I grabbed a seat cover, [sidebar: to all of you clear people who do not use seat covers- who just walk in and sit the fuck down- ewww! Seriously! If it wasn't for my not wanting anyone to know I'm sitting in the stall next to you, I'd be screaming all kinds of "you nasty as hell" at you! Use a damn seat cover!] But I digress. I grabbed a seat cover, placed it on the rim, and sat down.

I won’t go into details about, you know, making mud dolphins, but my stress level skyrocketed when the restroom door opened and in walked several people- chatting it up like they were standing at a water cooler. I was battling a rather, umm, ethnic meal, and so there was serious cause for concern. You have no idea (or maybe you do) about how friggin’ nerve wracking it is to try to hold ish in (literally) and not create an embarrassment of volcanic proportions. Holding on for dear life, sweat dripping down my brow, I thought about the little predicament I was in and I giggled. Thankfully, this didn’t draw any attention- hey probably didn’t hear me over their banter- or release any of the tension I was holding. At one point during their conversation about meetings, travel and the weather, I had to fight myself from screaming “will you just pee and go already?” I sat, rocking and trying my hardest not to explode, waiting for the guys to leave; and as the urinals began to flush I began a countdown. Less than a minute later, they were out the door and I was out of time. I waited for the sound of the door clicking closed and I laughed hysterically returning my lunch to the hell from whence it came.

As weird and uncomfortable as that experience was, I’m still okay with using a public restroom- cuz when you gotta go, you gotta go. But for future reference, note to self: no more ethnic food for lunch.

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Beyonce & Lady Gaga – “Video Phone” Remix

will on November 16th, 2009

Beyonce teams up with the always fresh and exciting Lady Gaga for the remix to her newest single, “Video Phone.” I’m loving the departure from the black and white, and rather subdued nature of the previous video releases for the “I Am” album. She serves up a lot more color, attitude and flare in this one- giving us a bit of old school (”Check Up On It”) Beyonce as well as dishing out something new.

Not sure if Matthew Knowles had anything to do with this, but the “nobody outshines Beyonce” code of conduct memo seems to have been delivered to Gaga as well. In comparison to the artist we see in her videos, and on the red carpet, she was toned down like nobody’s business in this video. [Apparently, Lady Gaga will be doing her own video for "Telephone" so I can't be too mad. KILL IT, GAGA!!] Aside from that (oh, and the almost seizure-inducing flashing), I enjoyed it.

I’m no dancer, but trust… at some point, I will be attempting that roll out of the chair on to the ground move from the dance break. Where’s my wig? Oh, and I LOVED the video heads on the dancers. That was a great touch!

Good job, ladies!

Tags: beyonce, beyonce music video, beyonce video phone, lady gaga, video phone, video phone remix
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The New York Post is torturing me with its images!

will on November 16th, 2009

Oh, football player, why do you torture me so?

photo courtesy of The NY Post

This picture was on the front cover of today’s New York Post. I didn’t notice it at first, but when I reached my office and plopped the paper on my desk my eyes went straight to it and I broke out in an inconsolable fit of tears. Accompanied by a headline only Alexyss K. Tylor could do real justice, the player featured assumes a position that was once somewhat familiar to me, but is now nothing more than a distant memory.

I must say, he’s supporting himself quite well- perfect hand placement, and his facial expression looks like he’s ready; although he could get that right leg up a little higher. I’ll give him an “A” for effort, though. *sigh* I’m sad now. It’s been way too long for me. [sings "Memories" by Barbara Streisand]

Oh, and whoever that “Jet” is… he could get it!

Tags: new york post
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