I have never been one for much competition. Sure, I may go in and get aggro during a night of bowling or a game of cards, but that’s all in good fun. In life, particularly when it comes to the daily grind of reaching for the stars of my dreams, I’m definitely more reserved and quiet. Instead of adopting a war mentality, as many seem to do, I tend to compare myself to to those around me; and in doing so, I lose steam. I’ll be the first to admit that this is a fault of mine- and one that I’m constantly working on- but I’d be lying if I said that watching some of the talented people in my heat (keeping with the race metaphor) take off, increase speed and pull ahead of me doesn’t make me want to stop running, grab the water boy, and hit the showers. In my head there’s been little point to continuing on.

What’s dawned on me recently, and has begun to change my thinking and perception of the undertaking that is my hopeful journey to international success, is the fact and the knowledge that I am a valuable and talented being in my own right and in my own way; and that greatness can not only apply, but also call to many people the world over. There are billions of people on this planet- each with different tastes, lives, backgrounds, thought patterns, likes, dislikes and interests.  Who’s to say that thousands if not millions of them won’t connect with me being me, saying what I have and want to say, the way I was born to say it? Because of this, I’m realizing there is no need for competition…there is room for all of us. An example that just popped into my head is Kelly Rowland. Sure, she may not have the same type of talent and fame that her former bandmate Beyonce has in the United States, but that chick is a force to be reckoned with in Europe. You think she’s counting her “When Love Takes Over” coins wallowing in a pool of tears over why she’s not #1 over here? Doubtful.

We are all spectacular. We will all shine. There is no race against time or another human being- for we are all opening doors and paving the path for each other to move ahead into the spotlight of our own dreams. We don’t all want the exact same thing, so there’s no use in pretending or forcing ourselves into believeing that we have the same destination. You can do you, I can do me, and we can both get what we want. It’s a good thing, too; cuz I’m tired of running.

all out of brotherly love, i’ve had my life handed to me in so many ways, and from just about everybody, but my friend, the oneironaut, said something to me this morning that really hit home. he was simply checking in on me, and ended up getting a full dose of me boo-hooing about my life. he listened, sighed, and then gave me some medicine. there were many things that he said to me- all in truth as a brother would tell them- but there was something in particular, that struck the hardest:

“… you’re lazy…anything that requires more action that you’re prepared to give…you give up on.”

that statement took me right to the unnecessary excuses and procrastination that have kept stagnant the last 4 or 5 months of my life. i’ve gotten very little work done because i’ve been sitting here scared to try anything; and when i do, i crumble at the first obstacle or test of will (no pun intended). all i could think was, “when did i become so lazy?” like, seriously. i was NEVER this lazy before!

in my spirit, i feel a bit of a loss of the joie de vivre that i prided myself by earlier this year. the candle is flickering now, instead of burning bright; and i need to revive that spirit. it’s high time i muster up some drive and determination, and follow my dreams full out!

the oneironaut gave me some really good advice. baby steps. rome wasn’t built in a day; nye media won’t be either. i’m in my crawling stage now- on the brink of a new year- and today, with my sights set to the sky, i reach for the coffee table top, take a big breath, and begin to pull myself up…

[sidebar: i'm catching up on all my missed television due to my 2 week trip to texas. my dvr went crazy and so i pretty much have to catch up on everything online (which i love 'cuz i can have porn playing in the background). anyway, after watching an enticing (and very well produced) "making the band 4" finale, i rounded to "the hills" for some beverly hills reality (or so they say...).]

when the opening credits and natasha bedingfield’s “unwritten” began to play, i sang along in the spirited and jovial essence that is my weekly hills viewing; but when i got to the lyrics, “reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it…” i got waaay too excited and almost started crying. i’m trying to stay really calm, humble, and quiet about it, y’all, but i am really, really ecstatic about my book, “evolution of a man.” like, i’m so friggin’ close to my dream of publishing a book and unleashing my presence on the world (lol) that i can hardly sleep at night! seriously. i got very little sleep in texas because i was dreaming about the possibilities of my work and it’s impression on society. i really feel that it is a unique story that will open a lot of minds and doors (my mission statement is coming soon). it’s frustrating, because i haven’t slept in over a week, but at the same time… i’m living for it! if i’m gonna have a restless night, i’m pretty damn glad it’s because i’m dreaming of and imagining my successful future.

albert einstein once said: “imagination is everything. it is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” let me tell you, i’ve been dreaming and imagining myself in all sorts of interviews, encounters, appearances, and meetings- i’m seriously about to do some shit; and i can hardly contain myself!

if something doesn’t happen soon, i’m gonna burst!

ok… back to “the hills”