I have never been one for much competition. Sure, I may go in and get aggro during a night of bowling or a game of cards, but that’s all in good fun. In life, particularly when it comes to the daily grind of reaching for the stars of my dreams, I’m definitely more reserved and quiet. Instead of adopting a war mentality, as many seem to do, I tend to compare myself to to those around me; and in doing so, I lose steam. I’ll be the first to admit that this is a fault of mine- and one that I’m constantly working on- but I’d be lying if I said that watching some of the talented people in my heat (keeping with the race metaphor) take off, increase speed and pull ahead of me doesn’t make me want to stop running, grab the water boy, and hit the showers. In my head there’s been little point to continuing on.

What’s dawned on me recently, and has begun to change my thinking and perception of the undertaking that is my hopeful journey to international success, is the fact and the knowledge that I am a valuable and talented being in my own right and in my own way; and that greatness can not only apply, but also call to many people the world over. There are billions of people on this planet- each with different tastes, lives, backgrounds, thought patterns, likes, dislikes and interests.  Who’s to say that thousands if not millions of them won’t connect with me being me, saying what I have and want to say, the way I was born to say it? Because of this, I’m realizing there is no need for competition…there is room for all of us. An example that just popped into my head is Kelly Rowland. Sure, she may not have the same type of talent and fame that her former bandmate Beyonce has in the United States, but that chick is a force to be reckoned with in Europe. You think she’s counting her “When Love Takes Over” coins wallowing in a pool of tears over why she’s not #1 over here? Doubtful.

We are all spectacular. We will all shine. There is no race against time or another human being- for we are all opening doors and paving the path for each other to move ahead into the spotlight of our own dreams. We don’t all want the exact same thing, so there’s no use in pretending or forcing ourselves into believeing that we have the same destination. You can do you, I can do me, and we can both get what we want. It’s a good thing, too; cuz I’m tired of running.

i’ve been thinking a lot about my future- specifically my career as a media entrepreneur. there are so many things that i want to do in publishing, television, film, radio, etc. that i can barely contain my excitement and anticipation. although i am a rising star and definitely a force to be reckoned with, i’m very new to this game and am really building everything- without any formal training- from the ground up. a friend of mine today in conversation mentioned b. scott, his budding site and career, and how he is thinking about moving to new york to further expand b. scott media. now, don’t get me wrong… i LOVE b. scott, and consider myself to be a true- hardcore love muffin; but as an aspiring media mogul myself, when i heard this news, my eyebrow almost immediately arched and hate started to spew from my mouth. i vomited a diatribe about how i consider new york to be “my territory” (even though i haven’t really started, lol; how he’s already established in los angeles and should stay there; and i even went as far as to take a hit at his flamboyance… all sorts of unnecessary crap.

then i had to stop for a minute. stop the madness! b. scott is a talented, smart, and entertaining human being- also a force to be reckoned with! i thoroughly enjoy his site (i visit several times a day), and am ecstatic that he has gained such an amazing following. i thought about why i could possibly be hating on him (and others) so much, and the only conclusion i could draw upon was my own insecurity. then it hit me. why do we really hate on other people? i believe we hate on people for having or doing the things we wish or want for ourselves. there’s really no other explanation.

point blank, i’m envious of his status right now. like i said, i’m just starting out; and at this juncture in my career i find myself struggling with how to create and build my brand, generate buzz and gain a following of my own. he’s got what i want, or feel i should have, so i make myself feel better by somewhat tearing him and his empire down. there’s really nothing more to it.

think of the last time you actually “hated” on someone. what really caused you to feel that way? do you really disagree with what that person has done or said, or are you simply upset that you didn’t think of it first or created it yourself? i bet you it’s the latter. when i really think about it, i’ve always felt that b. scott and i were destined to work together in some way, shape, or form. i belive we both have a voice and talent that is undeniable- especially in a world and industry that is starting to take notice of the urban gay community and what we are capable of. i very much so look forward to seeing what he creates as he ascends in media, and hope that there will come a time when we can join forces- hate eliminated- and take the world by storm!

so, humble myself i shall; and also, move forward with the understanding that a) there’s enough room for everybody (especially since we don’t all want the same things), and b) any hate i may spew is only a reflection of what i feel is lacking in my own life. i don’t know about you, but that definitely clears things up for me. *sigh* there’s nothing like a bit of growth and understanding!

in light of all this, i’ve been inspired to create a new motto for myself to combat the hate bug:

“i can’t hate… ‘cuz i can’t wait!”