After Tuesday’s “Touch & Agree,” Rhonda sat with me for over an hour listening to what I had to say, ministering to me, and reading scriptures with me. She even prayed the prayer of salvation with me- just to make sure I was saved. And I am…but I still struggle! She suggested that I get in the word and start small- take a few verses a day, read them over and over to get them in my spirit, write them down and post them on my walls. I thought it a good idea and, feeling so good after our conversation, had every intention of following her suggestion; but I did nothing. I bailed. Sure, I thought about readng scripture and studying on numerous occassions Wednesday and Thursday; but there was still a big part of me that said, “Why?” and “I don’t wanna!” Also, stuck in my head worrying about all the problems and issues I’m facing, I stayed lazy and sad claiming the excuse, “I don’t know where to start.” So I didn’t. Today I forced myself to start studying the Bible and really spending time with God. As of late, I’ve heard many people either cite or talk about Jeremiah 29:11, so I decided to begin there. It says:

“I know what I am doing. I have planned it all out- plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

That was The Message translation. Rhonda suggested reading the New King James Version, the New International Version (NIV), and The Message. I was raised onte traditional King James Version, and like it did when I was younger, it has confused me to no end as I’ve tried reading it recently. But reading the aforementioned translations made Your word so much clearer and understandable to me. I’m definitely a big fan of The Message translation! After reading verse 11 I continued on to verses 12-14, which spoke to me even more:

“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking fr me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed…”

The NIV says (about getting serious) “When you seen me with all your heart…” I must admit, Lord, that I’m struggling with that part. I can’t yet identify with seeking You with all my heart; but I can say that I am seeking you with all that I can muster up right now- whatever that is. I want to seek You and your word with all my heart, but I’d be wrong not to admit that at this particular moment, I seek You in a reaching, arms wide open, crying attempt to find peace, help, and direction within my storm. My heart is open and I hope and believe that as I continue to read, learn, and in You and be filled by You- as we become more intimate with each other- my heart’s desire for You will expand. I consider myself to have rain my first baby step today towards seeking You and learning your word.

I’ve been asked how can I pray in faith and stand, believing in your word if I don’t know what’s in it? When I pray, I want and need to be able to call upon your word to help me with the circumstances of my life. And even more, I want to truly understand what it means to praise and bless Your name… I want to know you, Lord, so I can better praise you.

I thank You for opening this door and I pray fr your patience with me as I start this journey. I know you’re always with me, Lord- imma need your direction knowing what and how to study next. But for now, I’ll stay meditated on Jeremiah 29:11-14. Thank you!

Lord, teach me how to go beyond just getting by. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN!