~erykah badu “i want you”

while i wouldn’t call what i’m feeling love, these words certainly reflect the desire i have for someone in my life. about 2 years ago i met a guy. he was sexy, fun and charismatic, and i fell for him. hard! in retrospect, i believe i fell so quickly because he felt like a boyfriend. i’ve never had one before, and he was the first in my life to ever treat me as such. like a couple who’d been together for years, we spent most of our evenings at home cooking, watching movies and listening to music. although we never had sex, we hooked up on a number of occasions- one of which resulted in the best orgasm i’ve ever had. unfortunately, we remained nothing more than friends.

our relationship has changed in the past year or so, but we still remain connected and, for the most part, pretty close. what hasn’t changed is my desire for him. i go crazy because every time i’m around him this thing that i can’t even explain takes over me- and all i want is to do for him, lie with him, and never leave. i change plans that were previously cemented, engage in conversations i usually ignore, and find myself staring at him uncontrollably and without remorse. i admit that i’m more sexually attracted to him than i am mentally or emotionally- which perhaps may be my problem; and despite my attempts to let him go and put distance between us and my feelings, i keep coming back in the hopes that my feelings and desires will be returned.

have you ever felt this way? felt such intense desire for someone that you did crazy things and conceded in many ways just to be with him and keep him in your life? and for what? i mean, do you really get anything out of it in the end? for as much time, money and energy i’ve put into getting this guy to like and want me like i want him, i can count on one hand the number of times those efforts have garnered any reciprocation. we’ve both agreed that we most certainly wouldn’t work as boyfriends in any way shape or form- we’re just on 2 completely different levels- but that doesn’t stop me from wanting and trying to get him, and from him teasing me with just how sexy and good a lay he is. it’s terribly frustrating and torturous! but something in me must love it, right? ‘cuz it’s incredibly hard to let go.

i just want to be loved… i wish i could find it without having to give so much and reduce myself to so little.

]]> http://www.evolutionofaman.com/2008/11/but-it-wont-let-go/feed/ 0 http://www.evolutionofaman.com/2008/09/on-a-much-needed-love-story/ http://www.evolutionofaman.com/2008/09/on-a-much-needed-love-story/#comments Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:15:44 +0000 Will http://www.evolutionofaman.com/?p=357 we all know how late i can be when it comes to seeing movies. i love going to the movies, but up until recently i rarely went to the theater on a regular basis. so, i’ve missed a lot of movies.

one movie in particular was “the notebook,” starring ryan gosling and rachel mcadams. it arrived via netflix a good 2 weeks ago, but for some reason, i’ve been avoiding watching it. i roughly knew what it was about, but somthing in me just wasn’t open to a love story. i feel like i’ve been both unlucky and not present in love, and really didn’t want to depress myself any further about the situation. but the movie kept staring me in the face daring and begging me to watch. today, i gave in.

i really, really needed to see this love story, y’all! despite being a hopeless romantic, my own failures in finding love are beginning to make me a little bitter. but “the notebook” snapped me right out of it. it tells a really amazing story of an unbreakable love between a smart and beautiful girl from wealth a wealty family, and a strapping, flavorful young man who just happens to be of a different class. the way in which the story is told keeps you on the edge of your seat in anticipation of knowing what will come next for these two lovebirds. i laughed a whole lot, and i cried a little bit; but for the most part, i snuggled up with my pillow- reignited in my love for love and dreaming of what it will be like when love and i finally find each other! more than anything, it reminded me of how much i want to fall in love!

my favorite scene:

i need someone to crecreate that entire scene for me! lol. i need that duck-filled lake boat ride. that was seriously one of the most beautiful things i’ve ever seen!

“it wasn’t over. it still isn’t over!” *swoon!*