i find myself, this first month of the new year, in the midst of the most difficult, frustrating and uncertain time of my life. in the last two weeks alone i’ve wanted to let go and give up on several occasions. i have no career, no money, and no social life; and find myself struggling just to get out of bed in the morning. as i begin to approach my 30th birthday, i don’t really know what i want out of and for my life, but i am holding on as tight as i possibly can to my faith that this rough patch is only temporary, and the best is yet to come.

one beacon of hope- something that i do have to work with right now- is my book, “evolution of a man: a journal of self-discovery.” in the last few days, i have completed the final draft, and am ready to publish and release my work. all i have to do now is come up with $1,500 or so for self-publishing and distribution. finishing this project is a tremendous accomplishment for me-words can’t express how proud and excited i am. laying the foundation for my career begins with this project. this book is the only brick i have to lay in place right now. i may be struggling with financing, but at least i’ve got a product- so i can breathe a little sigh of relief. i know that i want a career as an entertainment and motivational entrepreneur (read: mogul), and this book, in my opinion, gives me a great opportunity to begin such a career; but the question that still hangs over my head (and one that i truly hope to figure out in 2009) is “what do i want to do?”

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career aspirations aside, i’m doing a bit of groundwork in my personal life as well. i am really serious (this year more than ever) about staying healthy and fit, and being social offline and outside of my apartment. in the past couple of weeks, i’ve been working out like crazy in my home wii fit- bowflex equipped gym. the deal i made with myself was to work out for an hour a day, 5 to 6 days a week. 3 days a week i do half an hour of cardio on the wii, followed by a 20-30 minute bowflex workout; and the other 3-4 days i’m strictly wii-fit (aerobics, yoga and strength training). working out hasn’t been nearly as difficult as i thought it would be- especially after meditating in the morning. usually i avoid working out at all costs, but something in me has changed. i still don’t look forward to hittin’ the gym so-to-speak, but now that my spirit is on board, it is now much easier to talk myself into working out than to talk myself out of it.

getting my social life together, however, is going to be more difficult. when it comes to being social (mostly with people whom i’ve never met) i am more of a wallflower than a butterfly. it is my goal to dramatically change that in 2009. i really need to get out, meet new people, try new things, and further open my mind. being a creature of habit, i’m very set in my ways, but i have made a promise to myself to get out of my own way and enjoy all that new york city has to offer. i combed the pages of this week’s time out nyc magazine, and highlighted many events all over the city that sparked my interest. there’s definitely some really cool stuff out there, and i can’t wait to get started. the biggest obstacle for me these days, though, is braving the cold weather of winter. I HATE BEING COLD! but i’ll just have to suck it up, buy some thermal underwear, and call it a day until mother nature brings the heat once again.

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i have no doubt that 2009 will be a great year for me. there’s much to do and much more to look forward to. i’ve lost myself in the last 8 or 9 months, and it’s really important to me that i get my life back. although i’m not entirely sure of where i’m going, or what i’m doing, i know i will find my footing very soon, and begin to lay the foundation for an incredibly bright and successful future. here’s to 2009!

yes i can!